The Simpsons (TV Series)

Mayored to the Mob (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Phil, C-3PO, Squeaky Voiced-Teen, Neil Armstrong, Jonathan Harris, Mayor Quimby, Groundskeeper Willie, Bodyguard #1, Louie, The Yes Guy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Hamill : Homer, use the for...

  Homer : The Force?

  Mark Hamill : The forks, use the forks!

  Homer : Oh...

• [Homer uncovers a scheme to supply low-grade milk to the school] 

  Homer : They're milking rats! Milking rats!

  Mayor Quimby : [to Fat Tony]  Rats? I'm outraged. You promised me dog or higher.

• Homer : CRAP ON A CRUST!

• Homer : Mayor? Fat Tony asked me to give you this.

  [Homer grabs Mayor Quimby and kisses him] 

  Mayor Qumby : You moron! That's the kiss of death!

  Homer : Oh, no! Wait, maybe I didn't do it right!

• [Homer is driving Mayor Quimby's limo] 

  Mayor Quimby : Just remember... you represent the office of the mayor. So always comport yourself in a manner befitting - quick! Honk at that broad!

• Mayor Quimby : Oh, dear God. Can't this town go one day without a riot?

• Bodyguard : Who's going to protect you?

  Mayor Quimby : [points to Homer]  HIM.

  Homer : WOOHOO!

  Marge : Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just...

  Homer : I said "WOO. HOO."

• Homer : Are you sure this is a sci-fi convention? It's full of nerds!

• Leavelle : Okay, listen up. My goal is to assassinate that watermelon. Your job is to take the bullet. Go!

  [Homer runs for the watermelon] 

  Leavelle : Go, go go! Pow!

  [Homer dives in front of the watermelon] 

  Homer : Nooo.

  Leavelle : Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "NOOO!". You gotta sell it. Remember, your "NOOO!" is what gets you your next job. Now drop and give me 20.

  Homer : NOOOOOOO!

  Leavelle : Better.

• Mark Hamill : Hey, thanks, everybody. You know, I'm here today as Luke Skywalker, but I'm also here to talk about Sprint. As you can see here, you stand up to save up to seventeen cents a month over the more dependable providers.

  Database : Aw, talk about Star Wars.

  Crowd : Yeah, Yeah!

  Homer : You stupid nerds! He's trying to save you money on long distance!

• Homer : Password.

  Bart : We just want to get a snack from the fridge.

  Homer : Access denied!

  Bart , Lisa : But Da...

  [Homer uses a sleeper hold on Bart and Lisa, knocking them out] 

  Marge : Homer! I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children!

  Homer : They be OK in half an hour.

  Marge : And another thing, I asked you to take out the garbage three days agos and it's still... ngghhh.

  [Homer uses his sleeper hold on Marge] 

  Homer : [Homer looks at his watch]  Hmm, dinner isn't for another half hour. Gahhh!

  [Homer uses his sleeper hold on himself and bangs his head on the dinner table while falling to the floor] 

• Homer : I think I saw him in Rent, or Stomp, or Clomp, or some piece of crap.

• Homer : [at Springfield's sci-fi convention]  How am I supposed to know it's not a real spaceship?

• Homer : Why do you talk like that?

  The Guy Who Always says "Yes" : I had a Stroke!

• Mark Hamill : Homer, use the forrr...

  Homer : The force?

  Mark Hamill : The forks. Use the forks.

  Homer : Oh.