- Herb: [on phone] Okay, this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna hang up, call me back, and say the exact opposite of everything you just said. Goodbye.
- [hangs up]
- Herb: Bart, Lisa, come over here.
- Lisa Simpson: What is it, Unkie Herb?
- Herb: I want you to hear what the guys down at the plant think of your old man.
- [phone rings]
- Herb: Hello?
- Engineer: Um, Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well thought-out, practical, ideas. He is insuring the financial security of this company for years to come. Oh yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach.
- Homer: Gee, Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you'd have been better off if I'd never come into your life.
- Herb: Maybe I would have been better off? Maybe? Why, you spongehead! Of course I'd have been better off! As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother!
- [the bus door closes and takes Herb away]
- Marge Simpson: Hmm. Maybe he just said that to make conversation.
- Lisa Simpson: His life was an unbridled success until he found out... he was a Simpson.
- McBain Girl: [McBain has just shot up everyone in a meeting] Well, you certainly broke up that meeting!
- Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Right now, I'm thinking of starting another meeting. In bed!
- [they kiss]
- Bart Simpson: So, any idea where this bastard lives?
- Homer: Bart!
- Bart Simpson: Who's parents aren't married, are they? It's a correct word, isn't it?
- Homer: I guess he got us there.
- [Marge grumbles]
- Bart Simpson: Bastard, bastard! Bastard, bastard!
- [singing]
- [just after Herb's bus leaves Detroit, Grampa arrives in a cab]
- Abe Simpson: I'm here! Now where's that millionaire chip off the old block I call Sonny Boy?
- Homer: [dejectedly motions to his car] Get in, Dad. I'll explain on the way home.
- Abe Simpson: D'oh! I knew you'd blow it!
- Herb Powell: Here's what you do. From now on, before you say anything, say to yourself, 'If I was ever sure of anything, I'm sure of this.' Do you understand?
- Homer Simpson: Sort of.
- Herb Powell: Homer!
- Homer Simpson: What?
- Herb Powell: Answer me again with self-confidence.
- Homer Simpson: [shouts] Sort of!
- Abe Simpson: Pull your chair up closer, my son.
- Homer: What is it, dad?
- [pulling up closer]
- Abe Simpson: P.U.! Not that close!
- [slaps him away]