- Homer Simpson: Okay, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm going to tell you three things that will haunt you for the rest of your days: you've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
- Bart: [shocked] It is?
- Karl: The tartar sauce, the bathroom key, drying your boss's hands! You did it all! It was never the hair! You did it because you could and you still can.
- Homer Simpson: No I can't, coz I'm just a big fool.
- Karl: No you're not.
- Homer Simpson: Why not?
- Karl: Because my mother told me never to kiss a fool!
- [kisses him]
- [Homer cries over his spilled bottle of Dimoxnyl]
- Marge Simpson: Homer, I'm sure if you just went back to the pharmacy...
- Homer Simpson: I don't have a thousand bucks! But you do, right? You've been saving it, for a rainy day! Haven't you, Marge?
- Marge Simpson: Homer!
- [Homer starts sobbing again and rubs his head over the Dimoxnyl stain on the carpet]
- Lisa Simpson: Dad is taking this in a less-than-heroic fashion.
- Game Show Host: Okay, the capitol of North Dakota is named after what German leader?
- [on a TV game show]
- Homer Simpson: Hitler!
- Marge Simpson: Hitler, North Dakota?
- Lenny: [Homer is reluctant to charge a thousand dollars on health insurance to the power plant so he can buy Dimoxinal, a hair restorer] A thousand bucks. So what? To Mr Burns that's one less ivory backscratcher.
- Montgomery Burns: You may find this hard to believe, but in my salad days, my crowning glory was a bright shock of strawberry blonde curls.