- Homer Simpson: [Homer doing his taxes] Okay, Marge, if anyone asks: You require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.
- Homer Simpson: Marge, you wouldn't believe it! They sell shredded meat on the street corners!
- Cuban Vendor Boy: Es Carne de Burro.
- [translation: "It's Donkey Meat"]
- Homer Simpson: It's nice to meet you.
- Homer Simpson: Does this make me look fat?
- Lisa Simpson: No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression.
- Homer Simpson: But not fat?
- Kent Brockman: Sir, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?
- Otto: Taxes? Isn't this the line for Metallica?
- Fidel Castro: Ahhh, the Americans aren't so bad, they named a street after me in San Francisco.
- [Aide whispers in his ear]
- Fidel Castro: It's full of *what*?
- [last lines]
- Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!
- Homer Simpson: God bless America!
- Mr. Burns: [points to a display case] Oh, you'll find this amusing, the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.
- Kent Brockman: Sir, uh, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?
- Krusty the Clown: Because I'm an idiot! Happy?
- Kent Brockman: [back to the camera] Of course not everyone is an idiot.
- Mr. Burns: [Smithers, Burns and Homer are trying to find an island to start a new country on] Ohhh, there's a big one! And it has freedom written all over it!
- Waylon Smithers: Sir... that's Cuba.
- Mr. Burns: Cuba, eh? Take 'er down, Smithers.
- Waylon Smithers: Uh, you're flying the plane, sir.
- Mr. Burns: Excellent.
- Fidel Castro: Comrads, our nation is completely bankrupt! We have no choice but to abandon communism!
- Castro's Aide, Castro's Associates: [sigh]
- Fidel Castro: I know, I know, I know... but we all knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly! I'll call Washington and tell them they won.
- Castro's Aide: But presidente, America tried to kill you!
- Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!
- [Aide #2 whispers something into his ear]
- Fidel Castro: It's full of what?
- Fidel Castro: May I see?
- [asking to see the trillion-dollar bill Mr. Burns has held out]
- Mr. Burns: Oh ho ho ho, see with your eyes, not with your hands.
- Fidel Castro: Please, we are all amigos here.
- Homer: Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba.
- Mr. Burns: Now give it back.
- [Burns says nervously after a few seconds of letting Fidel hold the trillion-dollar bill]
- Fidel Castro: Give what back?
- Agent Johnson: We believe Burns still has that bill somewhere in his house. But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.
- Mr. Burns: Will you at least permit us to live in your socialist paradise?
- Fidel Castro: You talkin' about Cooba?
- [pronouncing Cuba differently after going wide-eyed and surprise]
- Homer Simpson: [frantically trying to do his tax returns] Marge! How many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count I'll just estimate. Uh, nine!
- Marge Simpson: Homer, you know we don't have..
- Homer Simpson: Shut up, shut UP! If I don't hear you it's not illegal!