The Simpsons (TV Series)

Wild Barts Can't Be Broken (1999)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Player, Barney Gumble, 'Now Showing' Announcer, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Boy #1, Boy #2, Police Constable, Townsman, Mayor Quimby, Sideshow Mel, Krusty the Clown, Grampa Simpson

Quotes 

• Lisa Simpson : It's not fair. Adults always blame kids for everything.

  Homer Simpson : Well, if kids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them? Acting childish, kidnapping, child abuse.

  Bart : What about adultery?

  Homer Simpson : Not until you're older, Son.

• Bart : [In a creepy English accent]  Join us tomorrow and everyday until the curfew is lifted as we'll be revealing embarrassing secrets about Springfield's other adults.

  Homer : Well, at least they've already done me.

  Bart : [In the same accent]  And we have plenty more on Homer Simpson.

  Homer : D'oh!

• Lisa Simpson : And guess who's been practicing medicine without a license?

  [Dr. Hibbert nervously pulls at his sweater neck] 

  Lisa Simpson : That's right. Homer Simpson.

  Homer Simpson : [far off]  D'oh!

• [At an Isotopes game, the pitcher blows his arm out after the first pitch] 

  Homer Simpson : I'm gonna warm up the car.

  Marge Simpson : But there's only been one pitch.

  Homer Simpson : And it *sucked*.

• Homer Simpson : Stupid Isotopes. Hurry up and lose so we can get outta here!

  Lisa Simpson : Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?

  Homer Simpson : Because I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie. Never love anything.

  Lisa Simpson : Even you?

  Homer Simpson : Especially me.

• [Homer, Lenny, and Carl are drunk] 

  Lenny : Hey, let's go to the little league diamond and drive around the bases.

  Carl : No, the Playboy Mansion. Playboy Mansion.

  Homer Simpson : Shut up. It's my car and I say we're going to the lost city of gold.

• Kent Brockman : [to Homer]  Sir, your beloved Isotopes are about to make history. Any thoughts?

  Homer Simpson : Uh-huh, it's a great team, Kent. We never gave up hope. I wanna thank Jesus and say hi to my special lady, Marge. We did it, baby! Whoo! Whooooo!

  Kent Brockman : The inspiring words of a fan who'll always root, root, root for the home team. Even if they lose this ga...

  Homer Simpson : They lost? Those losers!

  Kent Brockman : No, no, no, the game's not over.

  Homer Simpson : Whoo! Not over! Whoo!

  Kent Brockman : There you have it: whoo.

• Bart : The cops can't just slap a curfew on us. We have rights!

  Marge Simpson : Sure you do. You have the right to remain silent!

  [she and Homer laugh] 

  Homer Simpson : That was cold blooded, Marge.

• [the kids of Springfield are broadcasting adults' secrets, in order to embarrass them] 

  Lisa : And, by the way, there is somebody in Springfield who's been practicing medicine without a license.

  [Dr. Hibbert gulps] 

  Lisa : That's right. Homer Simpson.

  Homer : D'oh!

• Homer Simpson : [after a baseball game]  So who won, the losers?

  Bart : No, they lost.

  Homer Simpson : Heh heh heh heh, losers...

• Lisa Simpson : Wow, you look really hung over, Dad. What did you do last night?

  Homer Simpson : Last night? Uhh...

  [Homer imagines a whitewashed version of his drunken antics] 

  Homer Simpson : [patting Lisa on the head]  Uh... hello, big Maggie!

• [returning home after Isotopes' defeat] 

  Lisa Simpson : With a little middle relief, they might even make the play-offs!

  Homer Simpson : You'll be in your cold, cold grave before that ever happens.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, would you please stop talking about the children's graves?