The Sopranos (TV Series)

All Happy Families (2004)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Feech La Manna : In my day...

  Tony Soprano : [gradually raising his voice]  That's another thing. I don't want to hear anymore how it was in your day. From now on, keep your antidotes to local color, like Dinoflow or Maguire sisters. Otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

  Feech La Manna : [feeling guilty, remains silent] 

  Tony Soprano : Jesus Christ, I'm trying to ease your transition and this is the thanks I get?

  Feech La Manna : I'm sorry I'm offended you. I'll learn

  Tony Soprano : yeah?

  Feech La Manna : yeah

• Carmela Soprano : Oh thank God his alive. It's my fault Tony, my pathetic need to compete with you clouding my judgment or I would never let him stay over in New York. I knew he wasn't ready. I went against all my instincts

  Tony Soprano : His eyebrows will grow back, nothing really happened

  Carmela Soprano : No, you know what happened? I said "fuck it" and you know why? To get him to love me as much as he loves you

  Tony Soprano : He loves you. It's just that you're his mother it's different

  Carmela Soprano : I can't be the villain anymore. I mean it and I can't say "fuck it." Take him: let him live with you

• Silvio Dante : [Referring to Feech La Manna]  just got the call. They put him on a corrections bus this morning. This was the better move than taking him out

  Tony Soprano : The man is a legend

  Silvio Dante : Christopher agrees by the way

  Tony Soprano : That's nice that he agrees. I'm not running a fuckin popularity contest

• Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : Oh, hey dad. I was just taking out the trash, its garbage day tomorrow

  Tony Soprano : What's different about you?

  Carmela Soprano : He has no eyebrows Tony

  Tony Soprano : [after looking carefully on both sides of his face]  who did this?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : We were just screwing around

  Tony Soprano : What'd you say to your mother?

  Carmela Soprano : Tony...

  Tony Soprano : [Sternly]  what did you say?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : I said the F word

  Tony Soprano : [Grabs him by the neck and holds him against the wall, referring to the new SUV he bought him]  your finished. Your not going to drive that car until your forty-five years old! I'm selling it tomorrow

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : Look, she wouldn't let me talk. I was trying to tell her what happened

  Carmela Soprano : Oh, see? It's my fault

  Tony Soprano : Let's hear it

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : Well, I was going to go to Meadow's but there weren't any cabs and I didn't think you wanted me standing in the street at eleven thirty at night, we were right by the hotel

  Carmela Soprano : Enough of your lying

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : I am not lying

  Tony Soprano : Look at your face. If you have some sexual proclivity with that teacher or whatever now's the time to tell us. I mean what went on up there? Poppers and weird sex

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : What? No? Look we don't do drugs around some stupid dopers. I had a few beers but it just made me sick

  Carmela Soprano : How could anybody believe what you say?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : Because I told you. You never believe me

  Tony Soprano : You had a couple beers

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : Yeah

  Tony Soprano : Didn't do any drugs?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : [Acting innocently, lying]  No

  Tony Soprano : [Sympathetically for AJ]  Carmella, look a couple beers, he should be grounded yeah, it's not the end of the world

  Carmela Soprano : [Shocked]  what? You know what? I am sick of your bullshit, both of you. He can go live with you

  Tony Soprano : Don't get dramatic now alright?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : What? Great, good!

  Tony Soprano : [to AJ]  Shut up

  Carmela Soprano : I have never been more serious in my life

  Tony Soprano : [to AJ]  take out the trash, go outside

  Tony Soprano : [Sits down next to her on the couch]  what're we going to do? Really?

  Carmela Soprano : What did I just say?

  Tony Soprano : No, I mean really? Come on

  Carmela Soprano : Did you think I was joking?

  Tony Soprano : Carmella, this normal teenage shit. You remember us? The CYO dance, we left Artie out in the snow, he almost lost his fingers and we still laugh our asses off about it

  Carmela Soprano : I don't really blame AJ. His doing what his suppose to, his testing the limits as much as he can. I blame myself

  Tony Soprano : What are you talking about?

  Carmela Soprano : You don't know what it's like to have your son hate your guts

  Tony Soprano : [Dismissively]  He doesn't hate your guts

• Tony Soprano : What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane? -- A Boring 747.

• Tony Soprano : [while in Wegler's office, jokingly, referring to AJ]  let me guess, he called the English teacher "daddy-o?"

  Robert Wegler : [to the three of them]  the "thing" is, we are rapidly approaching crisis mode here with these grades and "time is of the essence"

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : can I ask a question? I handed in my final list of colleges, did you get that?

  Robert Wegler : yes, we've talked about this. So, Ramapo and Trenton State and our "reach" schools are University of Arizona and Arizona State

  Tony Soprano : [to Wegler]  yeah, I'm gonna take him out there after I drive him around to the ones in New Jersey

  Robert Wegler : if either of the Arizona's his got his heart set on, his not going to get in with these grades and I know about football Anthony, I'm sorry, it's not enough

  Tony Soprano : he says his trying his best

  Robert Wegler : SAT-wise, 505 and 430, I think we can "edge up" the math into the fives in the next round: providing Anthony feels he can "bear down" his focus

  Tony Soprano : his had trouble with that before. Remember Carm, when they thought he had ADD?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : [to Tony]  you didn't tell me that

  Robert Wegler : Anthony, what'd you say you head on back to class, let us talk?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr. : but if I'm "learning disabled", I get unlimited time on my SAT's

  Carmela Soprano : [to Wegler]  is that true?

  Robert Wegler : [to Tony and Carmela, then nods to AJ to imply to him to leave]  let's talk about that later

  Robert Wegler : [to Tony and Carmela, after AJ leaves]  so, you had time to talk to Dr. Rapkey about last week's testing results?

  Carmela Soprano : [while taking out the report and reading from it]  yes, she says Anthony has good "interpersonal skills", she said it's effect was "constricted", she called it but that was "normal" for a teenager and all and all, he seems to be handling the split "well", and this is not to say I get a ration of shit in every conversation, pardon my French

  Robert Wegler : well, still, there's this "thing" with his grades. Do you think it would be a benefit for him to see a psychologist on a regular basis?

  Robert Wegler : [after noticing Tony sighs and chuckles to himself]  you don't approve of therapy?

  Tony Soprano : I think we use it as a crutch and I always wonder what happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type?

  Robert Wegler : [amused]  well, Gary Cooper wasn't a sixteen-year-old boy

  Tony Soprano : he was at one time

  Carmela Soprano : I'm gonna have to agree with my husband here: we sent our daughter to an adolescent development mentalist and it was a disaster. I know my son, his just lazy, we gonna get him a different SAT tutor and I'm gonna stay on him and his gonna work harder and that's that

• Tony Soprano : So, what's up?

  Feech La Manna : [referring to the executive card game]  I came here to ask for my game back

  Tony Soprano : It's my uncle's game now

  Feech La Manna : Yeah, right, your uncle's. You also keep a lion share of the "rake" and I'm just asking If I can run it for you?

  Tony Soprano : Why would I need that?

  Feech La Manna : Eleven years I ran it, no fights: no raids. Not to mention I got it coming? Considering how it would've gone after you took the game down, and if I hadn't been such a prick about it?

  Silvio Dante : [referring to Tony]  Or if his old man didn't have so many friends

  Tony Soprano : [after thinking it over]  I'll give you twenty percent but you gotta rent the house from me. I can throw some high rollers your way: friends of mine

  Feech La Manna : [agrees and thanks him]  Let me get outta here before I keep talking and fuck this up

• Silvio Dante : [talking privately, referring to Feech La Manna]  He's an egomaniac, always was, always will be. Nothing's ever good enough, praise, money. Comes into this office and starts ordering people around?

  Tony Soprano : his old, how do you think that feels?

• Tony Soprano : [surprised to see Ira Fried stumble into the Bada Bing strip club]  oh, the wedding, what'd you got everybody outside, the ushers and everybody? Bring them in, bring them in

  Dr. Ira Fried : It's a fuckin disaster, somebody hit us, they stole all the fuckin cars. I had to sedate my own little girl at her wedding

  Tony Soprano : Jesus

  Dr. Ira Fried : They had one of those, what'd you call it, car carrier things? It was a very well-coordinated operation and the cops are on it but how much faith have I got in that? You gotta help me before their chopped

  Tony Soprano : I'm not really in that business

  Dr. Ira Fried : Asa's brother's Benz was taken, this special thing, can you do anything? Make some calls?

  Tony Soprano : That shit's insured

  Dr. Ira Fried : His obsessed with that car, he paid a thirty thousand premium just to place the fuckin order: his glasses, his daybook were in it

• Tony Soprano : [referring to the SUV he just bought AJ]  The car's a motivational tool, it's a carrot-and-stick: you gotta do both

  Carmela Soprano : I can strangle him sometimes, he can be so hateful

  Tony Soprano : That smart mouth is not good

  Carmela Soprano : It's minor, believe me. God, what happened to him? He was always the sweet one: he had the concept of sharing before any of the other toddlers

  Tony Soprano : Well, Meadow was always sharper and I remember the same thing with her: it's like watching an angel fall

  Tony Soprano : [while Carmela prepares dinner]  What're you, crying?

  Carmela Soprano : [referring to the bills she hands him]  The tutor in writing like you had to have, the cheap sound system for the media room

  Tony Soprano : Why should I pay for that?

  Carmela Soprano : because you took the last one

  Tony Soprano : Oh, your little connoisseur friends: they're still meeting?

  Carmela Soprano : At least I have friends

  Tony Soprano : Fuck's that supposed to mean?

  Carmela Soprano : Come on, they're just a bunch of flunkies

  Tony Soprano : What'd you know about it?

  Carmela Soprano : They complement you on your new shoes: they tell you you're not going bald, you think they really care? You're the boss, their scared of you. They have to kiss your ass, laugh at your stupid jokes

  Tony Soprano : What about Artie then? You know, you're turning into a freakin cynic

  Carmela Soprano : Whatever

  Tony Soprano : What do I give a shit if their scared of or whatever? I'm running a business, not a popularity contest

• Carmela Soprano : [while watching Tony B's twin sons playing in their swimming pool]  they'll probably go through their entire lives not knowing that their father's sperm was smuggled out of jail to get Nancy pregnant

  Tony Soprano : It's the least I could do. I just remembered what happened to the power drill

  Carmela Soprano : pardon me?

  Tony Soprano : I loaned it to your cousin Brian and he never gave it...

  Carmela Soprano : What's the matter?

  Tony Soprano : Nothing, I think it's just indigestion, it's going away

  Tony Soprano : [after sitting down, referring to his panic attacks]  I had an attack: full blown one

  Carmela Soprano : What did your therapist say?

  Tony Soprano : I don't see her no more

  Carmela Soprano : Why not?

  Tony Soprano : You think you're the only one has to cut back on shit they need because of the separation?

  Tony Soprano : [stands up and walks over to the refrigerator before opening it]  What's on your mind?

  Carmela Soprano : Mr. Wegler wants us to come in and discuss AJ's lousy academic performance

  Tony Soprano : Is this the same Wegler from last year?

  Carmela Soprano : AJ got him as a college advisor

  Tony Soprano : [angrily]  I told this kid to start crackin the books

  Carmela Soprano : Was he supposed to do that after he got back from the Nets game you took him to on a school night?

  Tony Soprano : it's gotta be hard on him: the situation we're in, why don't you cut him some slack?

  Carmela Soprano : No, that's your "department", I get to be the prison warden while you indulge him: the iPod, the drums...

  Tony Soprano : [interrupts her, raises his voice]  Again with the drums, encourage extra circular activities you said

  Carmela Soprano : Brand new drums, just like that? Don't even look in the classified?

  Tony Soprano : Why don't you just tell me when the school meeting is? Because I don't have to listen to this shit anymore: that's why we're separated

  Carmela Soprano : [raises her voice]  are you kidding me? That's not why