The Sopranos (TV Series)

Irregular Around the Margins (2004)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

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Quotes 

• Stokley Davenport, M.D. : [when asked by Tony to convince and confirm that Tony and Adriana weren't having oral sex at the time of their car accident]  to whether somebody was getting "something" in the car, how could I possibly attest to that?

  Tony Blundetto : as the attendee, you can explain how medically, it's not possible.

  Stokley Davenport, M.D. : excuse me?

  Tony Blundetto : for instance, if she was wearing a seat belt, there would have been abrasions to the lateral anterior aspect of the right clavicle wouldn't there? Or the right mid-sternum

  Stokley Davenport, M.D. : are you a physician?

  Tony Blundetto : no, I'm a pre-board certified massage therapist

  Tony Soprano : [confused, annoyed]  so did she have any kind of those things?

  Stokley Davenport, M.D. : Actually yes, on the right clavicle and the sternum just above the Xiphoid process, which would indicate an upright position at the moment of impact

  Tony Blundetto : [to Christopher, referring to Adrianna]  so what his saying she was sitting up

• Tony Soprano : [Eventually telling her what he wants to talk about today]  I know I'm on probation and I deeply regret what I did: my nephew's fiancee

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [Remains silent] 

  Tony Soprano : I know what you're thinking

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : So?

  Tony Soprano : Nothing happened but it could've very easily. She really got to me, this young lady

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : [Nods] 

  Tony Soprano : What?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : This is a very big step

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, tell me about it

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I mean you come here to talk about this impulse instead of just acting on it without thinking

  Tony Soprano : I always think

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Really?

  Tony Soprano : Yeah

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Having sex with your mistress's cousin, like the mistress wasn't enough to piss off your wife?

  Tony Soprano : [Remains silent] 

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Tell me about the niece

  Tony Soprano : She's drop dead gorgeous, with someone like her I could do it right this time. I could start a whole new family

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : This is something you're contemplating?

  Tony Soprano : What? It'd be a disaster. Of major proportions. Carmella I can "hose" financially there'd no reason with her after that and my nephew, it'd kill him. After years of grooming him to be my number two. It'd be very bad for the young girl, she doesn't deserve that. I know I'm not stupid and I'm part of this "father figure" thing and account of hers ran off

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : It would be like committing an act of "symbolic incest"

  Tony Soprano : Whatever, what am I going to do? I got lucky the first time because I was able to control myself but you only get one of those

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Rationalizing "I can't control myself." You can

  Tony Soprano : [Eventually points to his head]  I don't know, it's different for women, it's all about up here with them

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : She could make a play for you, you might want to think about going to establish limits and boundaries. For example, you can tell her she means a great deal to you but you think of her as a daughter

  Tony Soprano : Even if I want to fuck her brains out?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : This is a mild stone for you. You're at a very important crossroads. For once you want to avoid doing something you know is wrong and would be destructive both to yourself and to the people you care about. That's growth. That's progress

  Tony Soprano : Tell me what I'm supposed to do

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : You have to be honest with yourself. I know this is a powerful urge but if you can't keep it in your pants you have to stay away from her. You know, not long ago you stood in my outer office. I recall you used the words "drop dead gorgeous" about me and how you had to have me. I said I wouldn't date you and look, you survived

  Tony Soprano : What a horrible fuckin job you have. How do you do it?

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : What happens now is your choice. Act and create a "bed of misery" or you can look at this as a chance to do something good. You say she respects you. Be worthy of respect. See if you remain a friend to this woman. A help to her.

• Tony Soprano : [after kicking him]  you drew down on a boss of a fuckin family?

  Christopher Moltisanti : You lied to me, you were scoring coke with her, she admitted it

  Tony Soprano : [shouts]  so what? I can't get any relief from stress once in a while I don't got enough fuckin problems?

  Christopher Moltisanti : You sent me to North Carolina so you can fuck my girlfriend

  Tony Soprano : The fuck kind of animal do I think I am? The thought never entered my head!

  Christopher Moltisanti : You're a man, you're alone in the car with her

  Tony Soprano : You fuckin pushed me to this, you pushed me to this!

  Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri : The way I see it Tony, he must've known the gun was empty. Look what he pumped into your car

  Christopher Moltisanti : [When trying to stand up to confront Paulie before being subdued by Frankie Cortese and Corky DiGioia]  what're you trying to say Paulie? The fuck are you trying to say Paulie?

  Tony Soprano : [Knees down in front of him, looking directly in his eyes]  now you tell me right now: you can take it into your heart that I did not do this shit. Or this is as far we go

• Tony Soprano : I rang the doorbell six times, nobody answered

  Carmela Soprano : What're you doing here?

  Tony Soprano : I want to talk to you

  Carmela Soprano : [Referring to AJ]  if you came to pick him up his not going

  Tony Soprano : Oh, so you believe all that shit they're saying? Am I that horrible? Really?

  Carmela Soprano : Where there's smoke, there's fire. I don't know what you did. What's going to happen when your children find out about this? Meadow already suspects you

  Tony Soprano : Suspects what?

  Carmela Soprano : She saw you at the club, she thought you were coked out

  Tony Soprano : What're you talking about? I don't do drugs

  Carmela Soprano : She already knows about the accident, what'd you think she's going to think? With Anthony at that age?

  Tony Soprano : Oh, come on with the kids, this is about you

  Carmela Soprano : Fine, it's all about me, what? Do I mean nothing to you? That I've got to live with this swirling around me?

  Tony Soprano : Alright forget about what they're saying. I'm asking you, you think I would have sexual relations with her? Adriana who's going to be a member of this family? I want you to answer me truthfully. Look, I know I haven't been a fuckin saint alright? And you got plenty of issues on that subject but you haven't been a fuckin saint yourself

• Stokley Davenport, M.D. : I reviewed your chart so I ruled out any internal injuries so your free to go. I'll have the nurse process your discharge orders

  Tony Soprano : [Before he walks away]  whoa, whoa this was a very bad accident. I mean are you sure you did all the tests? I can afford it

  Stokley Davenport, M.D. : I did the "appropriate" tests. I have a medical degree from John Hopkins, my grandmother was the first black woman licensed to practice medicine in Delaware

  Tony Soprano : Alright, take it easy. The young lady I was with, they said she was ok, but can I see her?

• Christopher : You wanted to see me?

  Tony Soprano : Adriana ok?

  Christopher : Fine

  Tony Soprano : [while handing him a pencil he used to scrap off animal feces from his shoes]  people who don't clean up after their pets: pop this into that basket over there will ya? Its blind luck that accident. The cop told me he thought he was coming up to a fatality when he saw the car. I'd be thinking the same thing if I were you. But it's not true

  Christopher : I don't know what you're talking about

  Tony Soprano : Her car was in the shop. I was driving her home from work, that's all

  Christopher : In Dover?

  Tony Soprano : What difference does it make? You don't seem to give a shit she almost died. She could've been scarred up or paralyzed and you got a puss on?

  Christopher : What were you doing out there alone in the car with my fiancée?

  Tony Soprano : We were talking about you. You selfish prick, and how you were the best thing that ever happened to her

  Christopher : Oh, you don't think this fuckin devastates me?

  Tony Soprano : Frankly you scored so far over your head when you got her, what'd you expect?

  Christopher : The fuck you talking about?

  Tony Soprano : She's a knockout: a ten, and look at you. Your average at best so you better reconcile yourself with that or your going to be paranoid your whole life

  Christopher : So, this is my fuckin fault now?

  Tony Soprano : Nothing happened. I'm not going to say it again. You should've married that girl two years ago

  Christopher : Everyone knows you've been the biggest cooze hound the past four, five years. Your midlife crisis: you'd fuck a catcher's mitt

  Tony Soprano : On everything I hold sacred. On my children, there's nothing on with me and Adriana

• Meadow Soprano : [surprised to see him at the club Crazy Horse]  What're you doing here?

  Tony Soprano : I got an office here: you come down with Finn?

  Meadow Soprano : And some people

  Tony Soprano : Promise me, no drinking and driving

  Meadow Soprano : Who's your designated driver?

  Tony Soprano : I'm not the one with all the dents in their car

  Tony Soprano : [kisses her]  Alright, have fun, huh? Need some money?

  Tony Soprano : [before she goes into the restroom]  Have a good time sweetheart, be careful

• Tony Soprano : You know who you ought to introduce me to, the friend of yours?

  Adriana La Cerva : Who?

  Tony Soprano : The one you brought over to the house that time: tall, kind of blondish brownish hair? Danielle from Whippany

  Adriana La Cerva : [covering up the fact that Danielle is the undercover FBI agent Deborah Ciccerone-Waldrup]  She's dead

  Tony Soprano : [surprised]  What?

  Adriana La Cerva : [nervously]  Yeah, she drowned on picnic

  Tony Soprano : I thought I picked up on something between her and me, I'm not trying to be conceited

• Carmela Soprano : [while she sketches a bowl of fruit]  I hear your spending time with today's youth?

  Tony Soprano : you lost me

  Carmela Soprano : Meadow said she saw you at Adriana's club

  Tony Soprano : I gotta explain my business to you now, after so many years?

  Carmela Soprano : it's your life

  Tony Soprano : got that right

  Carmela Soprano : [after noticing the bandage on his head]  what'd you do to your head, you fall again?

  Tony Soprano : [while tossing money on the counter]  I banged it on the medicine chess, don't worry about it: it's nothing. Here's your allowance

  Tony Soprano : [referring to her sketch]  that actually looks like fruit

  Carmela Soprano : it's so hard

  Tony Soprano : what'd you do it for?

• Adriana La Cerva : [while in her office at her club Crazy Horse]  My stupid car: five thousand miles and the alternator's gone

  Tony Soprano : What'd about you, Mimi said you went to the doctor?

  Adriana La Cerva : I've been having trouble with my stomach. That's why I'm drinking White Russians

  Tony Soprano : [jokingly]  You got ulcers already?

  Adriana La Cerva : It's called "IBS"

  Tony Soprano : What's that?

  Adriana La Cerva : Irritable bowel syndrome

  Tony Soprano : My mother had that all her life

  Tony Soprano : [points to the bandage on his head]  See this?

  Adriana La Cerva : Yeah, I noticed that, what happened?

  Tony Soprano : It's cancer

  Adriana La Cerva : [surprised]  What?

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, squamous

  Adriana La Cerva : Oh my God, that's terrible

  Tony Soprano : They think they got it all

  Tony Soprano : [jokingly, gently taps his head]  Knock on wood, just... cancer. "Things" that run through your head

  Adriana La Cerva : Sure

  Tony Soprano : I got a top guy though: Katz, Hesh recommended him

  Tony Soprano : [changing the subject]  So, this disease you got, what causes it?

  Adriana La Cerva : I did a Google on it, and like the doctor, they all said a lot of it is all psychological. So, on top of everything, I'm a headcase

  Tony Soprano : [amused]  No, come on, stop blaming yourself

  Adriana La Cerva : Christopher don't wanna know, not that I blame him

  Tony Soprano : [after looking at his watch]  I gotta take off, AJ's getting back from his volleyball "thing". Listen, don't say anything to anybody, people hear cancer, they'll start to bury you already