- Tony Soprano: [over the phone] It's a bad connection, so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here.
- Tony Soprano: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's some kind of Russian green beret. This guy can not come back to tell this story. You understand?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hear you.
- [the telephone connection is lost - Tony swears, and Paulie hangs up]
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [turning to Christopher] You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. The guy was an interior decorator.
- Christopher Moltisanti: His house looked like shit.
- Christopher Moltisanti: The Russians? They're not all bad.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How about the Cuban Missile Crisis? Cocksuckers moved nuclear warheads into Cuba, pointed 'em right at us.
- Christopher Moltisanti: That was real? I saw that movie, I thought it was bullshit.
- [Christopher is urinating outside on Paulie's side of the van]
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ohhhh! Do that by your own window! I don't want to smell your piss!
- Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck you.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What did you say?
- Christopher Moltisanti: You heard me.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Don't make me pull rank on you, kid!
- Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck you, Paulie. Captain or no captain, right now, we're just two assholes lost in the woods.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: All the shit we been through, you think I'd really kill ya?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, I do.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [eating frozen condiment packets in the van with Christopher] Not bad! Mix it with the relish!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [sitting in an abandoned van in the woods, during the winter, sees Paulie chewing on small white objects in his mouth] what are those? Tic Tacs?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I just found them, I didn't know I had them on me.
- Christopher Moltisanti: You had Tic Tacs all along? Give me some.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: There ain't no more, I ate them.
- Christopher Moltisanti: [referring to the fact he didn't eat breakfast] selfish prick, I'm dying here.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [dismissively] Then fuckin die already.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: First place I'm hittin' is Denny's!
- Christopher Moltisanti: I know. Get like five of those Grand Slam breakfasts.
- Christopher Moltisanti: We should have stopped at Roy Rogers.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah, and I should have fucked Dale Evans, but I didn't!
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to Gloria while getting worked up] I'm telling you something's fucked up here because one minute she's fine and the next minute she's a fuckin lunatic
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I asked you whether or not she seemed like a happy person?
- Tony Soprano: Oh, by that I'm suppose to know she's going to throw a fuckin roast beef at my head?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Read into things however you chose
- Tony Soprano: [Calming down] why does everything have to be so hard? I'm not saying I'm perfect but I do the right thing by my family. Doesn't that count for anything?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think we should discuss what attracted you to Gloria in the first place
- Tony Soprano: [Rubbing his head] we've been through that already
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And Irina before her
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Listing the commonalities of Tony's past mistresses, eventually implying those qualities are similar to his mother] depressive personalities, unstable, and impossible to please. Does that remind you of any other woman?
- [Paulie is getting a manicure]
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to manicurist] Let's go with the satin finish.
- Christopher Moltisanti: [while lost in the woods] Could be him out there stalking us.
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: With what? His cock?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: One time we went hunting, saw a sign that said, "Bear Left," so we went home.
- Tony Soprano: [referring to Irina calling and posing as a teacher from AJ's school, while in the cabin of his boat] That phone call: it was an old girlfriend
- Gloria Trillo: [sarcastically] Oh, you mean she wasn't from the school? My God, she sounded so convincing
- Tony Soprano: I'm trying to be honest here
- Gloria Trillo: Yeah? If you're trying to be honest, why'd you lie?
- Tony Soprano: I don't wanna piss you off
- Gloria Trillo: So, it's really more about you then?
- Tony Soprano: What're you talking about? I didn't wanna hurt your feelings
- Gloria Trillo: No, what you said was that you didn't want to piss me off, which implies you'd have to deal with me which was more about "sparing" you than my fuckin feelings
- Gloria Trillo: [after throwing the gift he gave her out the window and leaving] Merry Christmas
- Tony Soprano: [over the phone] you know that "Russkie" Valery, works for Slava? Well, he owes Sil five grand, for the other "thing" you know? I need you to go pick it up tomorrow
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: why don't Sil go?
- Tony Soprano: Sil's dying: his going home because of the flu
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [from the bad connection from his cell phone] I didn't hear you
- Tony Soprano: [raises his voice] his sick, he has the flu
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I'm supposed to take my mother to Social Security tomorrow
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [after Tony gives him Valery's address] I don't even know why we deal with these people?
- Tony Soprano: wanna guess?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: they make us money
- Tony Soprano: [before hanging up] thank you
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [while at a gas station, referring to Valery that's tied up with his mouth gagged in the trunk] We can dump him down the shore
- Christopher Moltisanti: It's too much light out, we should wait. They got a Roy Rogers over there, you hungry?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to disposing the body] First thing's first
- Christopher Moltisanti: I know, I'm just saying, I didn't eat breakfast
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Most important meal. Let's take him down to Pine Barrens
- Christopher Moltisanti: That's south Jersey
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's perfect: it's fuckin deserted down there. We take him in the woods, dig a hole, end of story
- Christopher Moltisanti: With Fuckin Snow All Over the Ground, That's Some Hard Shit
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I got a shovel I use for digging the car out, the best part is, we'd be like twenty minutes away from AC. We'll get a room, freshen up, play a little Black Jack
- Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck that, I gotta eat something
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: we'll go to Morton's get a steak: this way the day won't be a total loss
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: and the family's well?
- Carmela Soprano: honestly, I'm a little concerned about our daughter
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: what's the problem?
- Carmela Soprano: she's dating a boy... the son of some friends of the family actually
- Tony Soprano: [to Melfi] I think I mentioned him to you. I don't know, I guess I'm not as "optimistic" as I once was
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: she was dating a different boy, a young African American man?
- Carmela Soprano: they broke up, actually, he broke it off with her
- Tony Soprano: [to Melfi] believe that?
- Carmela Soprano: well, you didn't exactly give him much choice Tony
- Tony Soprano: oh, so now I'm responsible for her being with Jackie?
- Carmela Soprano: I'm just saying if you hadn't been so mean to him, who knows? Maybe she might not be with this one
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [when Tony doesn't respond] I find it very interesting that your able to talk about this without ranker
- Carmela Soprano: actually, we haven't been arguing as much lately
- Tony Soprano: it's the therapy, we're learning how to communicate
- Tony Soprano: [over the phone] Yeah?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's me
- Tony Soprano: What now?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What now? Chrissy's head is bleeding and I'm freezing to death, that's what fuckin now
- Tony Soprano: Hey, take it easy
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I'm through taking it easy: we're fuckin starving out here
- Tony Soprano: What'd you want me to do about it?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Come fuckin get us
- Tony Soprano: You don't even know where the fuck you are
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Exit twelve
- Tony Soprano: What?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Exit fuckin twelve
- Christopher Moltisanti: [giving them the name of the exit from the highway] Pikes Hollow or some shit
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Pikes Hollow: there's a dirt road at the turnoff. We're parked about a mile in near some picnic tables
- Tony Soprano: I find the car, then what?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't know, start yelling. We're in a truck, that dirt road might be the same one we're on
- Tony Soprano: Put my nephew on the phone
- Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, T?
- Tony Soprano: Are you alright?
- Christopher Moltisanti: I don't know, my head's killing me
- Tony Soprano: [while having poor cell phone reception] what? I can't hear you
- Christopher Moltisanti: My head hurts, I think I got a concussion
- Tony Soprano: alright, just stay calm
- Christopher Moltisanti: Bring some food alright?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [yells to the phone] Some fuckin shoes too
- Tony Soprano: [before hanging up] Alright, hang in there
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to his foot missing a shoe, referring to frostbite] This is no fuckin joke here, I could lose a foot
- Christopher Moltisanti: Numb huh?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: The fuck you think? How could we be lost like this? We're in fuckin New Jersey
- Christopher Moltisanti: [while walking past a bush] South Jersey, maybe we should eat some of these berries?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Are you nuts? Shit like that could be poison? You don't know, come on
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [after noticing an abandoned van in the middle of the woods] The fuck is that?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [over the phone, referring to Valery] We saw that guy but we had a problem: it got a little physical
- Tony Soprano: Your just supposed to pick up the money
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: We did but he started giving us some shit, the prick sucker punched me
- Tony Soprano: Where are you now?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: A rest stop in the Garden State
- Tony Soprano: where's the guy?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to the trunk of the car] With the luggage
- Tony Soprano: Are you fuckin kidding me?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Your breakin up, I can't hear you
- Tony Soprano: [raising his voice] I said are you fuckin kidding me?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It got bad: we had no choice
- Tony Soprano: I'm supposed to meet Slava later. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's ok, nobody was around, what'd you wanna do?
- Tony Soprano: You use your own judgement: whatever you decide, you do it way the fuck away from me, you understand?
- Meadow Soprano: [to Jackie after getting out of Ambujam's car when seeing him leave his apartment with Rita] I can't believe you did this to me
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: what're you doing here?
- Meadow Soprano: I loved you
- Rita: [to Meadow] who the hell are you?
- Ambujam: [to Rita] fuck you bitch
- Rita: [to Ambujam] what'd you say?
- Meadow Soprano: [to Jackie] don't ever call me again
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [to Meadow as she gets back into Ambujam's car] wait
- Rita: [to Ambujam while they drive away] yeah, you better leave, bitch
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: the fuck's the matter with you? That's Tony Soprano's daughter
- Rita: oh, what do I care, asshole?
- Meadow Soprano: [while playing Pictionary, after spelling the word "oblique"] eighteen, double word score, that's 36
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: oh, no Spanish
- Meadow Soprano: [confused] Spanish?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [mispronouncing the word] "oblique?"
- Meadow Soprano: [correcting him, telling him the definition] "oblique", "indirect, not straight forward." Come on, you're in college
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm not an English major
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [after spelling the word "ass", jokingly] as in how about giving me some?
- Meadow Soprano: Jackie, I'm sick
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: I know, I'm only kidding... unless you want to?
- Meadow Soprano: [unamused] Jackie...
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [adamantly] I'm kidding
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [after looking at his watch, referring to ecstasy] want to do some ex?
- Meadow Soprano: I'm already taking NyQuil
- Meadow Soprano: [when he rubs his eyes] tired?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: actually, I am kind of "wiped", mind if we finish this tomorrow?
- Meadow Soprano: ok
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: [while touching her cheek] wow, you're burning up, I'll come by tomorrow night
- Meadow Soprano: your leaving?
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah, I gotta let you get some sleep