- Silvio Dante: [losing at poker as Matt Bevilaqua tries to sweep up the crumbs under his chair] What the fuck are YOU doing?
- Tony Soprano: Sil, take it easy.
- Silvio Dante: I'm losing my balls over heeeere! This fuckin' moron's playing Hazel? Get the fuck outta here!
- Matt Bevilaqua: I was just trying to sweep the cheese away from...
- Silvio Dante: Why? Why NOW? Leave it there!
- Matt Bevilaqua: I don't know, I was just...
- Silvio Dante: What?
- [to Tony]
- Silvio Dante: Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get 'em? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying ta...
- [to Matt, shouting]
- Silvio Dante: Leave the fuckin' cheese there! All right? I love fuckin' cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right? So leave the fuckin' cocksuckin' cheese WHERE IT IS!
- [Scoops the rest of the food from his plate onto the floor]
- Silvio Dante: Here, here, here! Go ahead. Have a good time!
- [Sits back down to make a bet]
- Silvio Dante: 800.
- Dr. Ira Freid: Call.
- Silvio Dante: [to Dr. Fried] And why don't you go fix a fuckin' dick or whatever the fuck it is you do.
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Keep thinking you know everything. Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they're leading.
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: He was my younger brother. He was between me and your father in age. His name was Eckley. Actually, Ercoli. Hercules. Named after my grandfather.
- Tony Soprano: What are you saying? I got another uncle?
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Sharp as a fucking cue ball. Yeah, I'm saying. Your father and me had a brother you didn't know about. It was different in those days. Mother and father didn't even speak the language. They couldn't take care of a kid like that. God bless your grandmother. She went to every charity home in this fucking state till she found one that she felt would take good care of him.
- Tony Soprano: What are you saying, he was retarded?
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Why don't you go fuck yourself. He was slow! He was strong as a fucking bull, handsome like George Raft. If it was today, they might have trained him. Get him a job. They didn't understand these things back then.
- Tony Soprano: I remember my mother and father arguing about - something. I don't know. She kept talking about my father's feeble-minded brother, but I always thought she meant you.
- Tony Soprano: [Meadow refusing to accept a SUV from Tony as a gift] You don't want it? Fine, don't take it but I'll eat it before I give it back what am I a sucker? The guy owed me money and he did the right thing and offered the car as partial payment, you want to act holier than now? You right ahead but I'm not giving it back ,I'm going to take it and sell it to Pussy and use the money to buy clothes and food and shoes and cd players and all the rest of this shit I've been buying since the day you were born, everything this family has comes from the work I do a grown man made a wager, he lost he made another one, he lost again end of story, so take that high moral ground and sleep at the fucking bus station if you want
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Rolling down his window after having been pulled over] What'd ya hear what'd ya say
- Cop: License and registration please
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Pulls out a gun] how about I give you one of these instead?
- Cop: I'm wearing a vest
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh yeah, if I shoot, it's going into your bragiole
- [laughs]
- Cop: You're a real sick fuck, you know that?
- [laughs]
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How's your family?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Not bad, I had to move my father to another old folk's home...
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I got my own fucking problems
- [laughs]
- Cop: You're a real fucking hard on, you know that? How many times am I going to fall for that?
- [laughs]
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Hands him a wad of money]
- Cop: Do me a favor your friends and players, they don't fuck with the tourists and the employees, and no gun shots otherwise we've got to take the call
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah, yeah, go play cops and robbers
- Meadow Soprano: Eric, come on! Let's talk. You're gonna leave me here?
- Eric Scatino: [crying] I thought you were my friend!
- Meadow Soprano: I am! I can't stop my dad from selling it.
- Eric Scatino: Yeah, well your dad's a fucking asshole! You know that? He's a real low-life, fucking asshole!
- Meadow Soprano: [crying] And I suppose yours is innocent in all this? For your information, he gave it to my dad. It's not like my dad stole it!
- Eric Scatino: You know what, Meadow? Fuck you, fuck your gangster father, and fuck this!
- [storms off]
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you want to tell me what your thinking?
- Tony Soprano: Believe me, you don't want to know. You want to know what I'm thinking? Seriously?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Nods]
- Tony Soprano: I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick and smash your fuckin face into fuckin hamburger
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: OK
- Tony Soprano: Don't worry, I know I broke your coffee table and it's not going to happen again but you asked: I told
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But you'd like to smash my face
- Tony Soprano: Not really, it's just a way of describing how I'm feeling
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think making hamburger out of me would make me feel better?
- Tony Soprano: Mother of Christ, is this a "woman thing"? You asked me how I'm feeling. I tell you how I'm feeling and now your going to torture me with it. I don't know who I'm angry at, I'm just angry ok? I mean why the fuck am I here? I even asked to come back. I got the world by the balls and I can't stop feeling like a fuckin loser
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Who makes you feel like a loser? Your mother?
- Tony Soprano: Please, we wasted enough oxygen on that one. It's everything and everybody. I see some guy walking down the street with a clear head. You know the type, his always fuckin whistling, like the happy wanderer. I just want to go up to him and rip his throat open. I want to fuckin grab him and pummel him for no reason, why should I give a shit if a guy's got a clear head? I should say "good for you."
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's get back to smashing my face
- Tony Soprano: [Annoyed, leans back on his chair and moans] Jesus Christ
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, I think it all ties in
- Tony Soprano: Alright, sometimes I resent you making me feel like a victim that's all
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I make you feel like a victim?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, remember the first time I came here? I said the kind of man I admire is Gary Cooper: the strong silent type and how all Americans are crying and confessing, complaining, a bunch of fuckin pussies, fuck them, and now I'm one of them: a patient
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Your parents made it impossible for you to experience joy
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, see? There you go again
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You said yourself your not the happy wanderer
- Tony Soprano: Well I'm more like one of those assholes, fuckin jerk offs, and douche bags I see leaving this office
- Richie Aprile: [Referring to David Scatino, while they walk outside the motel to talk privately] I shut him the fuck down, he comes here and sticks it up my ass?
- Tony Soprano: What's that got to do with you disrespecting my game?
- Richie Aprile: Like you wouldn't do anything different
- Tony Soprano: Your fuckin right
- Richie Aprile: You know I'm getting sick of this "holier than now" act and I'm not the only one
- Tony Soprano: Oh really? Well, if anybody wants to make a move
- Richie Aprile: don't get so fuckin dramatic all, I'm saying is sometimes you act like your in a different business, now send that little prick out so I can talk to him
- Tony Soprano: No
- Richie Aprile: [Referring to the amount of money David owes Richie] you realize this mother-less fuck is into me for over eight large? His got money to play here? Let him me pay me my money. Send him out
- Tony Soprano: You go home Richie, this isn't going to happen to one of my players
- David Scatino: Listen, I heard through the grapevine that you're taking over your uncle's game, you know the big one?
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to the song by Creedence Clearwater Revival] grapevine? You know if you listen closely to that song, it says believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see
- David Scatino: No, you know me, it's just... I like to play a little
- Tony Soprano: [confused] a little?
- Tony Soprano: [realizing he wants to get in on the game] forget it: this game's not for you
- David Scatino: I was thinkin I could get a kick?
- Tony Soprano: You're a nice guy I like you, ok? But trust me, this game's not for you. I don't want to see you get hurt: these guys, they play deep
- David Scatino: [referring to from his sporting goods store] You know how many jockstraps I sold last week?
- Tony Soprano: Not enough for this game, ok? Forget it
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [Before picking up a long dart] it means "sit on this cocksucker."
- Tony Soprano: [Amused, while they all laugh] five minutes from the can for the rest of my fuckin life and I'm laughing
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You got it skip
- Tony Soprano: [while inside David Scatino's sporting goods store after business hours, referring to the police investigating the murder of Matt Bevilaqua] if they do have something, why aren't they talking to you?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Give them time, they will
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to the charges they'll face] murder, aiding, and racketeering
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: [On the possible sentence they'll receive] Twenty to life
- Tony Soprano: [while Paulie and Furio enter the store, jokingly] there they are: the Flaying Gavone Brothers
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Tony] not good, not good
- Tony Soprano: [Suddenly stands up and forcefully grabs Paulie by his shirt] on my fuckin kids I will cut you, just tell me
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Take it easy Tone. It's fixable. First off it's not a rat
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Thank God
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Pussy] don't thank Him yet. There's an eyeball witness
- Tony Soprano: What're you talking about?
- Tony Soprano: [after kicking a table, to Pussy] Jesus Christ! Shit! Did you see anybody? Did you see another living fuckin soul?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Fuck no
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Don't worry, it's only a mere bump in the road
- Tony Soprano: Oh, you're beautiful
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Do we know him?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: My friend at the station only knows is that his a civilian. A flag saluting mother fucker
- Furio: [to Tony, unintentionally incorrectly using the Idiom "go on the lamb"] Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I keep a suitcase in my trunk
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah, tell us about it
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Hey, fuck all of you, bygones are never fuckin bygones
- Tony Soprano: This is a fuckin nightmare. I've got to move some cash around, if I going to lamb it I'm going away with a fuckin "package." I'm not going to be like Mickey Mcsuko. That poor prick had five fuckin minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country
- Furio: [to Paulie] where is that?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians
- Furio: I don't get it
- David Scatino: [after coming out of his office] it's starting. It's fuckin starting
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Get back in your office David
- David Scatino: I'm opening my mail and it's a lawsuit, there's a fuckin lean on the building they're going to close me down
- Tony Soprano: Davey, not fuckin now ok?
- David Scatino: They're going to know after this it's fraud. I'm going to go to jail for this
- Tony Soprano: [Angrily stomps towards David while shouting] get the fuck back in your fuckin hole now!
- Tony Soprano: [after calming down, realizing they still David to continue their bust out scheme] Davey, you're doing a good job
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Don't worry about this witness T
- Furio: [In Italian] that's true. We'll find him
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Exactly
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You don't even know what he said
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Fuck you. I did too
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What then?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I understood
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What does it mean?
- David Scatino: [while in the bathroom] hey, buddy
- Tony Soprano: I saw your wife out there alone, I figured you were out at the trotters
- David Scatino: Not tonight, I had a customer, I couldn't "shake". The guy spends half an hour deciding between a twenty dollar soccer ball and a twenty two dollar soccer ball. So who do you like?
- Tony Soprano: I don't know, I think that guy from Bowdoin seems to make sense, I guess?
- David Scatino: No, I meant on the game tonight
- Artie Bucco: [after entering the bathroom, jokingly] you guys want to be alone?
- David Scatino: [to Artie] I saw the refreshment table out there, I knew you'd be lurking around here somewhere
- Artie Bucco: I don't know how I always get "roped" into this shit
- Tony Soprano: Charmaine's no fool
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to one of Artie's pastries] she knows one of your Sfogliatella in the right mouth and your daughter can go to any school she wants
- Artie Bucco: So far the janitor's the only one going near them
- Tony Soprano: [Jokingly] that's a nice career path for a young lady
- Meadow Soprano: [after Tony interrupts Eric and Meadow practicing music] do you mind? God
- Tony Soprano: [Angrily] I'm trying to get some sleep, I've been working all night
- Tony Soprano: How you doing Eric?
- Eric Scatino: Pretty good
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to his guitar skills] sounds good
- Eric Scatino: Thanks
- Meadow Soprano: Are you awake now?
- Tony Soprano: Yeah
- Meadow Soprano: Good, close the door
- Tony Soprano: [Irritated by her attitude] hey! Where's your mother?
- Meadow Soprano: The store. Oh, aunt Barb called, uncle Tom's father died
- Tony Soprano: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tom Sr.? When?
- Meadow Soprano: I don't know
- Tony Soprano: What the hell happened?
- Meadow Soprano: I don't know
- Tony Soprano: The guy's here almost every Christmas eve, you don't ask? Somebody says "Joe blow" died, nobody asks "how" or "what happened?"
- Tony Soprano: [while closing her door referring to her lack of respect] Jesus
- Tony Soprano: [while talking privately in Junior's doctor's clinic] so you ok with this?
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Do I got a "choice"?
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] Yeah, you got a "choice", you can continue running the game
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: You know I'm under fuckin house arrest you "cute" fuck
- Tony Soprano: Well, then take the "bite" I give you and be happy: either way, I'm having the Executive Game
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: You know, your father and me started that game over thirty years ago, we were talking one day on how credit card companies you know, how they worked their "angle?" They didn't care what the fuck you bought: as long as you didn't pay all at once. They'd "juice" your debt and you'd thank them for letting you have one of their cards. There's a certain kind of player: that's why we call it the "Executive Game", my brother Johnny was one keen motherfucker
- Tony Soprano: [Sarcastically] oh yeah, that's why he left us with Chee Chee Beans
- Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: [Amused] you don't know what you're talking about. Your father left Livia with a "package" that could choke a fuckin elephant. I gotta tell you? She's like a woman with a Virginia ham under her arm and crying the blues because she has no bread. Please, they don't make them like Johnny
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Matthew and Sean, referring to the Executive Game] There's gonna be some serious money there: this is no nickel and dime shit. These motherfuckers could play for two days straight sometimes and once you start work, you don't go until the game breaks up and that fuckin place looks like an operating room
- Sean Gismonte: You mean we're like cleaning guys?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, you serve some booze, empty the ash trays. Oh that reminds me, whatever you do, don't engage Silvio in conversation. He can be a sick fuck when his gambling. One night he was down like fifty large, at some point he sneezes, Fritsy says salud
- Sean Gismonte: Fritsy Nesti from Hoboken?
- Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, you know him?
- Sean Gismonte: No...
- Christopher Moltisanti: [interrupts him] Then shut the fuck up and let me finish alright? Anyway, Fritsy says salud, Silvio thinks he said something else, forget it, for the rest of the night, Silvio is blaming Fritsy for his losing streak: the fuckin nut
- Sean Gismonte: What'd you think he said?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [raises his voice] Are you listening to me or what? His a fuckin nut, who knows?
- David Scatino: [referring to Richie] He was pissed
- Tony Soprano: I'm gonna let you sleep one day: then you're gonna get the fuck up and go get me my forty-five thousand dollars
- David Scatino: No problem. Jesus, how about the luck on that Silvio huh?
- Tony Soprano: Why don't you shut the fuck up?
- Tony Soprano: [after David tries to change the subject] If after one day, if you don't give me every penny, I' m gonna send someone down to your joint every Saturday for five percent interest. If you don't have it, it gets "taxed" onto the principle. You understand?
- David Scatino: I had a good run there for a while, I should've quit then though huh?
- Tony Soprano: [irritated] Would you like anything else?
- David Scatino: [When seeing Richie talking to Eric] is there a problem?
- Richie Aprile: No, I'm just breaking your kid's balls
- Richie Aprile: [after David hands him an envelope of money] like the pimp says to his ho's, "keep them coming"
- David Scatino: [Referring to his short the amount of money he owes to pay off his debt to Richie] hey, that envelope's "two C" shy, I'll catch up on it next week. It's no problem: I just got caught off guard this month, you know? I took a second on the house, didn't calculate it into my budget: no biggie
- Richie Aprile: [angrily] No, good
- David Scatino: It's just a "stutter step", like I said, it's no biggie
- Richie Aprile: [Referring to the interest added to the total amount David is going to owe Richie] the difference gets taxed onto the principle and you know that
- David Scatino: Yeah, I understand
- Richie Aprile: Now don't take this personally, I don't want to see your face at any of my games until you're caught up
- David Scatino: Come on, that's not necessary
- Richie Aprile: Kid, you think I started this life ten minutes ago? A guy hands you a "light" envelope, it's just the beginning... nothing personal
- David Scatino: Yeah, I know but it's just a...
- Richie Aprile: [Interrupts him, irritated] I know, it's just a "stutter step"
- Tony Soprano: [referring to how Tom Giglione, Sr. died] This gust of winds comes: knocks him off the roof, all for a satellite dish
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very sad
- Tony Soprano: Yeah
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How old?
- Tony Soprano: Sixty-five. the guy works his whole life, takes care of his family, does the "right thing." One day after he retires... it's freaky
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to the American writer] Carlos Castaneda said " Live every moment as if it was your last dance on earth"
- Tony Soprano: [mistaking Castaneda for Carlos Monzón, a boxer] Who the fuck listens to prize fighters? Ali maybe? He had a little wisdom
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, at least Tom Sr. isn't the happy wanderer anymore
- Tony Soprano: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He got "his", you don't have to pummel his ass: his joined the ranks of the unlucky
- Tony Soprano: Maybe you know what you're talking about but I don't
- Tony Soprano: [changing the subject] I found out I had another uncle: a retarded uncle... my father's brother that nobody told me about. you believe this shit?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was he seriously developed mentally disabled?
- Tony Soprano: serious? No he had everybody in stitches back then
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Now that you found out about a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
- Tony Soprano: [confused] What?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is it permissible now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the douche bags?
- Tony Soprano: [surprised to see him] what the hell are you doing here?
- David Scatino: hey, I was driving by I thought I'd stop and say hello. This is some place you got here
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] yeah, a regular Taj Mahal
- David Scatino: so, what's the game?
- Tony Soprano: seven card
- David Scatino: was that Frank Sinatra Jr. i saw in there?
- Tony Soprano: yeah, he's a friend of my uncle: he flies in
- David Scatino: wow, this really is an Executive Game. So, what'd you think?
- Tony Soprano: [assuming David's asking if Frank Jr. looks like Frank Sr] there's a resemblance
- David Scatino: no, I mean the game. You think I can take these guys or what?
- Tony Soprano: this isn't a game for you
- David Scatino: oh, come on, what are the chances of me getting close to a game like this again? come on, let me sit in just once
- Tony Soprano: I don't do business with outside friends, you understand?
- David Scatino: [jokingly] hey, do I have to show your high school prom picture to these guys? all kidding aside, I appreciate your position but come on, I'm a big boy
- Tony Soprano: [referring to how much money David is carrying at the moment] what're you holding?
- David Scatino: I didn't really expect to gamble tonight
- Tony Soprano: you need five G's just to sit in this game
- David Scatino: [referring to a loan] can't you "float" me? you know, short term?
- Tony Soprano: [sternly, referring to there will be repercussions if he doesn't pay the loan back on time and in full] don't say "short" if you don't mean "short", all kidding aside, you understand what I'm saying to you?
- David Scatino: [reminding Tony he runs and owns a sporting goods store] yeah, of course. Hey, you don't have to explain "business" to me