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- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My future brother-in-law is causing a serious problem.
- Silvio Dante: How serious?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He's not satisfied with the current leadership. He wants to have me popped.
- Silvio Dante: That motherfucker.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So now I gotta decide what to do about him.
- Silvio Dante: I genuinely don't think there's anything to gain by keeping him around.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get it done.
- Janice Soprano: [referring to Richie] What'd you do with him?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] We buried him. On a hill. Overlooking a little river. With pine cones all around.
- Janice Soprano: [surprised] you did?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh Jesus, what the fuck?, What'd you care what we did we him?
- Janice Soprano: I loved him so much
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] all in all, I'd say it wasn't a bad visit.
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Furio as they're dismembering Richie's body in the butcher shop] It's going to be a while before I eat anything from Satriale's.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My future brother-in-law is causing a serious problem.
- Silvio Dante: How serious?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He's not satisfied with the current leadership. He wants to have me popped.
- Silvio Dante: That motherfucker.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So now I gotta decide what to do about him.
- Silvio Dante: I genuinely don't think there's anything to gain by keeping him around.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get it done.
- Richie Aprile: This country's going through boom times, there's more fucking garbage than there ever was.
- Tony Soprano: [Meeting to discuss which garbage routes belong to whom] so that's it: Albert splits Nutley with Delesio Brothers and Barone here keeps everything north of Patterson, what else do we have to talk about?
- Dick Barone: Fairfield Township is taking bids next week
- Richie Aprile: What's there to talk about? Fairfield's mine
- Tony Soprano: Was yours. I don't give bids to the "handicapped", your fuckin deaf because I told you ten times then I find out your still dealing blow on those garbage routes
- Richie Aprile: [Confused] For that I'm losing a fuckin bid?
- Tony Soprano: Next time you'll find yourself in the back of one of your trucks
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: Those are my father's garbage routes
- Albert Barese: Actually fellas, my cousin Larry wants the Fairfield contract, since he was family and what not, while his in jail awaiting trial
- Tony Soprano: See? This is why we have a fixed bid club because everybody has a story on why they should move to the front of the line
- Richie Aprile: I've been in line for ten fuckin years
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: My uncle is just asking for what my father would've given him if he was boss when Richie was getting out of prison and it had nothing to do with that they were brothers: you respecting my father you should respect Richie
- Tony Soprano: Those who want respect, give respect
- Richie Aprile: [to Jackie Jr] See? He just told you to shut the fuck up and he told me to go fuck myself
- Carmela Soprano: [Referring to Tony had to suddenly leave to go to his mother's house the night before] you've been gone all night: half the morning. What the hell happened over there?
- Tony Soprano: [after sitting down next to her on their couch in the living room] Janice decided to go back to Seattle
- Carmela Soprano: Your kidding What about Richie? He must be devastated
- Tony Soprano: Richie's "gone."
- Carmela Soprano: What'd you mean "gone"?
- Tony Soprano: [Implying Richie's been killed] "gone"
- Carmela Soprano: Where?
- Tony Soprano: Carmella after eighteen years of marriage, don't make me make you an accessory "after the fact."
- Carmela Soprano: [Eventually realizes what his implying] an accessory "after the..."holy shit
- Tony Soprano: Stop asking
- Carmela Soprano: Oh my God
- Tony Soprano: I took care of it
- Carmela Soprano: That was not a marriage "made in heaven"
- ["Big Pussy" is spying on Christopher and speaking into a dictaphone]
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Searchlight Diner. 5:15 AM. Subject has still not left location. Sun comin' up.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I need you to give me a number of a good shrink
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: For a girl I was seeing
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, I broke up with her and she tried to kill herself. She drank a quart of vodka, the fuckin ambulance came, pumped her stomach, and it cost me three grand
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: She should've been seen by the psychiatrist in the hospital
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He was a Romanian and they have some beef that goes back centuries and she wouldn't talk to him
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you feel responsible for her suicide attempt?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was bangin her for two years
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was that a hard chip on her?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's cute, do you know how many women I've been through? I don't know why I just don't say "fuck it" with this one
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why do you think?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, she's a sweet kid underneath it all. I think she's seriously depressed
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You feel for her. I'm interested in why your ending it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What'd you mean "why"? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Aren't you telling me that all the time in here?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think I ever passed judgment on your sex life or any patient's sex life
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Even if I'm twenty years older than her? And I'm married
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Surprised by his sudden fidelity to Carmella]
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What's wrong with you?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why now?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why now? Because it's not fun anymore ok? Are you going to recommend someone or not?
- Junior Soprano: So?
- Richie Aprile: Larry's out
- Junior Soprano: Oh shit, fuck! I knew it
- Richie Aprile: Larry and Albert are not the problem. It's Tony that's the fuckin problem: we take him out, believe me, everybody's gonna come along, where else are they gonna go? And fuckin Larry Barese too, I got friends in federal holding that would like nothing better than taking that weak fuck out
- Jackie Aprile Jr.: He was a great friend to my father but he don't care who he follows now, I'd do him myself
- Junior Soprano: [ignoring Jackie Jr., sarcastically] Who's that speaking in here? Is somebody speaking?
- Junior Soprano: [to Richie] Let me think about this for a while: we can't be too fucked up by this setback, we gotta screw our courage to the post
- Junior Soprano: [after hugging him] You're a good boy
- ["Big Pussy" calls FBI Skip Lipari]
- Skip Lipari: Lipari.
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: This is Fat Man.
- Skip Lipari: Who?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: You know...
- Skip Lipari: Sal?
- Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: I just heard about they're gonna jack a load of these "Pokieman" cards. Moltisanti and another individual.
- Janice Soprano: [while talking about planning their wedding and cooking in the kitchen] oh, the planner checked the almanac and said there's sixty-five historical chance of rain on the twelfth so he wanted to book the tenth as a back up so what'd you think?
- Richie Aprile: I can't decide on this shit right now
- Richie Aprile: [Seeing her disappointed] Janice, come on
- Janice Soprano: Ok but when you start bitching when you see the bill: don't
- Richie Aprile: My kid "hit" me up five grand to go to England for these dance contests
- Janice Soprano: Yeah but "little Rick" is still coming to the wedding right?
- Richie Aprile: [Correcting her, irritated] Rick? Richard, how many fuckin times I've got to tell you? It was "little Ricky" when he was twelve years old.
- Janice Soprano: Jesus alright. His still coming right?
- Richie Aprile: He wouldn't miss an opportunity to fox trot and tango in front of everybody
- Janice Soprano: Ballroom dancing is a legitimate art form
- Richie Aprile: [Eventually referring to Jackie April Jr] Carries my name: Richard. His a fuckin disgrace. Why wouldn't he be like Jackie? Why couldn't I have a son like that?
- Janice Soprano: [Referring to her mother] you know, you came home with a fuckin attitude today. You know I've been in this house cooking your fuckin dinner and taking care of that "black hole" up stairs all day
- Richie Aprile: Keep your voice down, she hears everything
- Janice Soprano: Not tonight, I gave her two Nembutals because I thought we might want to have sex? But not likely
- Richie Aprile: Put my fuckin dinner on the table and keep your mouth shut
- Janice Soprano: Oh you shut up, just because his a ball room dancer, you think your son is gay? What if he was gay? What difference does it make?
- Richie Aprile: [after punching her for insulting his values] what're you looking at? Are you going to cry now?
- Richie Aprile: [after Janice leaves and returns with a gun pointing at him, before she shoots her a first time, assuming Janice is playing a joke] get the fuck out of here! I'm in no mood for your...
- Junior Soprano: and did my nephew say where I'm "allowed" to move the coke?
- Richie Aprile: he don't give a shit about nobody but himself: this country is going through "boom times", there's more fuckin garbage than there ever was and he wouldn't let me eat
- Junior Soprano: you want to cry money problems? I'm facing twenty years, I could die in there
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: your gonna beat it Skip
- Junior Soprano: [raises his voice to Bobby] you don't fuckin know that
- Junior Soprano: [to Richie] that coke is my lifeline right now
- Richie Aprile: break it down: what choice does he leave us?
- Junior Soprano: [referring to killing Tony] you need allies to do what you're thinking about
- Richie Aprile: Albert Barese didn't like what he was hearing and by extension, Larry Barese: the biggest fuckin crew in the family
- Junior Soprano: that doesn't surprise me: Larry has had just as much time as me to think about why his under indictment and some other people "ain't"
- Richie Aprile: what do you want me to do?
- Junior Soprano: go talk to Ally boy "feel" him out but his a "slippery" fuck... don't " commit"
- Richie Aprile: [to Bobby and Junior before leaving] I'll see ya
- Janice Soprano: [after seeing him upset] What's the matter?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jackie Aprile is man who loved knowledge, when he was dying of the cancer, he was praying his son would go to medical school. If he knew he dropped out of college... it'll break his heart
- Janice Soprano: It didn't hurt the Beatles, Bill Gates: his uncle Richie is looking out for him
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Richie's son pursuing a career path as a ballroom dancer] He should deal with his own son
- Janice Soprano: Hey, don't do that. You know his taking AJ to the dirt bike championship at Giants Stadium?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: AJ can't go: he got a C in Algebra
- Janice Soprano: does Carmela know about this?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, you really wanna know? I don't want him around my kids
- Janice Soprano: Who? Richie?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [nods] You heard me
- Janice Soprano: The fuck are you talking about?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Ask Gia Gaeta
- Janice Soprano: Richie told me all about that, the transmission slipped out of gear. Richie's lucky he didn't crushed by the car too and for your information, Beansie Gaeta owed him major dollars for ten years and Richie wasn't asking for the interest
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why not?
- Janice Soprano: And if we're so awful, why are you throwing us an engagement party?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Because you're my sister and I try to do what's right. Anyway, it's my wife's thing
- Janice Soprano: Does right include planking that little Russian girl of yours on the side?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You know what? Being that I am, be a fuckin codependent to a fuckin shitbag, what the fuck do I care?
- Janice Soprano: You know, you just can't stand to see me happy, can you? You motherfucker
- Richie Aprile: [giving a toast at his engagement party to Janice] everybody, I want to thank my future in-laws for throwing me this party and I want to thank you all for coming and celebrating this historical union: the Apriles and the Sopranos. They say "It's never too late" and "All those good comes to those who wait", their right on both counts
- Junior Soprano: [while in his lawyer's office, referring to his running out of money] this bill, Jesus. I wish this trial would happen already, I'm hemorrhaging "spondulicks" here
- Attorney Melvoin: the minimalization process could be very good for us: we hire experts to study the wiretap tapes, former Bureau guys, very thorough. If they find "abuses", we take those findings to the judge, and possibly have all the wiretap evidence thrown out?
- Junior Soprano: that's fuckin great, I know the Feds stay longer on the phone than the twenty seconds to see if the call is relevant. I hear a "click", I could be talking about root beer and sometimes they stay on forty, fifty seconds before they hang up... pricks
- Attorney Melvoin: but it'll cost for them to study
- Junior Soprano: how much?
- Attorney Melvoin: two hundred plus hours of tapes analyzed, and I want to bring on "specialized counsel" to handle the wiretap litigation, "ballpark" figure?
- Junior Soprano: [irritated] yeah, Wrigley fuckin Field for Christ's sake
- Attorney Melvoin: four hundred thousand
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while visiting her in the hospital after she tried to commit suicide] Jesus Christ
- Irina Peltsin: I don't care what happens anymore
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say that shit: you got your whole life ahead of you
- Irina Peltsin: What kind of life is there without you? To go back home? To be a dancer? Be prostitute after that? I don't want to
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [as she hugs him] Everything's gonna be alright, ok?
- Janice Soprano: [wearing her wedding dress while looking at herself in the mirror] perfect, look at that cleavage, thank you Jesus. You know, I'm only doing this for the presents... and for Richie. Well, he says he'd rather go to Vegas but you gotta do the ritual "thing" right?
- Carmela Soprano: oh, this is such a happy time, all the flowers, all the excitement, I remember how I felt. There's the honeymoon, and the hope chest
- Janice Soprano: you're working overtime
- Carmela Soprano: do you remember how radiant I looked walking down that aisle?
- Janice Soprano: your depressed, aren't you?
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to a mistress] depressed? No, I leave that to others, I'm just being realistic because in a year, tops: your gonna have to accept a comare
- Janice Soprano: [amused, doubtful] oh yeah? I'd like to see a comare that's gonna let him hold a gun to her head when they fuck
- Carmela Soprano: you let him hold a gun to your head when you have sex?
- Janice Soprano: yeah, well, if that gets him "off", it's not any different than garter belts and nurse's uniforms
- Carmela Soprano: well, it's a gun, I thought you were a feminist?
- Janice Soprano: "usually", he takes the clip out
- Carmela Soprano: well, Jesus I hope so
- Frank Cubitoso: [after Skip knocks on the door to his office] Come on in
- Skip Lipari: happy birthday chief
- Frank Cubitoso: [when Skip sees the balloons, meat platter and other gifts on the table] thanks, from Tony Soprano, never misses an occasion: Christmas, Columbus Day, have something to eat before I send it down to the Saint Ambrose shelter
- Skip Lipari: [referring to his undercover informant Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero] my CW on that just gave me a bottle of Johnnie Walker
- Frank Cubitoso: CW-16?
- Skip Lipari: Bonpensiero? Yeah, fuckin guy thinks I'm his "friend" now
- Frank Cubitoso: I know we're not allowed to accept gifts and I know poor people are gonna get this but I can't resist the log bread
- Skip Lipari: his turned some corner. One minute his talking about how much he loves Tony Soprano and the next breath, his a "Junior G-man." His talking about RICO predicates and probable cause, all of a sudden, we're the good guys. It's the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've seen since Patty Hearst
- Frank Cubitoso: [nods] that was sad
- Skip Lipari: I'll tell you though, I'm getting worried about Sal with these fantasies of law enforcement
- Frank Cubitoso: these things can work two ways. You can find yourself getting too close
- Irina Peltsin: [after having sexual intercourse with him] I love my new pony skin boots
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, their nice, why don't you wear them when you go to some of your job interviews?
- Irina Peltsin: [while she rubs the left boot against his body] Feel how soft they are?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the fashion designer] you call Sy Lipman yet?
- Irina Peltsin: No, I'm doing it
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There's good money in modeling. You don't want to spend the rest of your life behind a counter selling perfume in a department store, do you?
- Irina Peltsin: What do you care what I do?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't start with the moody shit
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after she ignores him by reading a book] what is that?
- Irina Peltsin: [referring to the title of the book] Chicken Soup for the Soul
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [jokingly] You should read Tomato Sauce for Your Ass, it's the Italian version
- Irina Peltsin: Somebody gave me this I met at work. He drives for Runaway Limos, he brought Karl Lagerfield to the store for the trunk shows, why? Are you jealous?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You fuckin him?
- Irina Peltsin: I can't have a conversation with you, your horrible
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a fuckin question
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [changing the subject] Maybe it's something you should think about?
- Irina Peltsin: What?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Finding somebody who can give you everything you want
- Irina Peltsin: I told you, he drives for a limo company
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not talking about those kind of "things." I'm talking about a family, marriage, children...
- Irina Peltsin: I don't want to find someone, I have you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What? To take you out to dinner and screw your fuckin brains out?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated, while getting out of bed] The fuck's wrong with you?
- Irina Peltsin: [pleading] No, don't go
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You don't know what the fuck you want
- Irina Peltsin: Don't yell at me. You know this is a bad time, my new boss is so mean to me
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's always a bad time with you, with the cousins, the landlords...
- Irina Peltsin: [interrupts him, worried, raises her voice] Please, no
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know it hasn't been good: for either of us, I'm the one out here
- Irina Peltsin: I'll die without you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, you won't, you'll forget about me in two weeks
- Irina Peltsin: If you go, I'll kill myself
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while getting dressed then leaving] Don't you fuckin threaten me. This is over, I can't do this anymore, I'm not gonna do it anymore, you talk to that guy about the modeling like I told you. I'll take care of you until you get on your feet but I'm not doing this anymore, you understand?