- John Warsog: [the citizens of South Park are protesting over "Terence and Phillip"] Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is John Warsog. I have prepared a statement on behalf of the network.
- [clears throat]
- John Warsog: "Fuck you." Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen. If there are any questions you may direct them to that brick wall over there.
- Mrs. Broflovski: Hey! You will not get away with this!
- [Warsog drops his pants and moons the citizens before going back inside]
- Grandpa: You can kill me, can't you?
- Eric Cartman: I would never kill somebody. Not unless they pissed me off.
- Grandpa: Oh, is that a fact? Well, let me tell you something porky. Your mom was over here earlier, and I humped her like a little bitch.
- Eric Cartman: What?
- Grandpa: That's right.
- Stan: Grandpa.
- Grandpa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma's skeleton and had my way with her too.
- Eric Cartman: Eh.
- Grandpa: Choice piece of ass your great-grandma.
- Eric Cartman: You piece of crap. I'll kill you.
- Grandpa: That's the spirit, tubby.
- Mr. Garrison: [returning from the bathroom] I must have caught the flu from Kenny. I've got the green apple splatters.
- Grandpa: How would you like to make a dollar, Billy?
- Stan: My name's not Billy, Grandpa, it's Stan.
- Grandpa: Damn it, Billy! Do you want a dollar or don't you?
- Stan: Sure!
- Grandpa: O.K., you just have to do one thing for me.
- Stan: I'm not gonna kill you, grandpa!
- Grandpa: Why not?
- Stan: 'Cause I'll get in trouble!
- Grandpa: I killed my grandpa when I was your age!
- Stan: Leave me alone, grandpa!
- Grandpa: What has America's youth come to? Kids won't even kill their own grandparents.
- [while Cartman is watching "Terrance and Phillip"]
- Liane Cartman: Eric, dear. I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother. She said this show is naughty, and might make you a pottymouth.
- Eric Cartman: That's a bunch o' crap! Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!
- Liane Cartman: Oh. Okay, hon.