SpongeBob SquarePants (TV Series)
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy III/Squirrel Jokes (2001)
Tom Kenny: SpongeBob
Photos
Quotes
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ManRay : Excuse me sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
Patrick : Doesn't look familiar to me.
ManRay : What? I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick : Nope, it's not mine.
ManRay : It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
Patrick : Return what to who?
ManRay : [facepalms, then shows Patrick his ID] Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick : Yup.
ManRay : And this is your ID.
Patrick : Yup.
ManRay : I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick : That makes sense to me.
ManRay : Then take it.
Patrick : It's not my wallet.
ManRay : [in anger and frustration] You dim-bulb! Take back your wallet or I'll rip your arms off!
[SpongeBob pushes the tickle button and Man Ray laughs]
SpongeBob SquarePants : No. Wrong. Good people don't rip other people's arms off!
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SpongeBob SquarePants : Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronzefish.
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SpongeBob SquarePants : Okay, goodness lesson number two. You see someone struggling with a heavy package. What do you do?
ManRay : Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help with...
[Patrick drops the package on ManRay's foot]
ManRay : Ow!
Patrick : Oops, sorry. Can I start over?
ManRay : I noticed you was...
[Patrick drops the package again]
ManRay : OW!
Patrick : Oops! Gotta start again.
ManRay : Would...
[Patrick drops the box again]
ManRay : OW!
Patrick : Oops!
ManRay : You butterfingered pink thing! What's in that box, anyhow?
Patrick : My wallets.
ManRay : [in a rage] ARGH!
[grabs Patrick's head]
Patrick : NO! SpongeBob, tickle him!
[Man Ray slams Patrick into the ground repeatedly. SpongeBob presses the tickle button]
ManRay : [laughs from the belt] It tickles, but it's worth it!
[continues slamming Patrick into the ground, while still laughing]
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SpongeBob : Alright, goodness lesson number three.
[Patrick is shown angry and severely injured, sitting in a wheelchair]
SpongeBob : Uhh, let's see.
[Patrick snatches away the remote to the tickle belt]
Patrick : I've got one! I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?
ManRay : [genuinely confused] Umm... 62?
Patrick : Wrong!
[pushes button to tickle ManRay]
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SpongeBob SquarePants : [walks backstage] Ah, another spectacular performance, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants : [sees a note taped to his mirror] Oh, what's this? A fan letter?
Sandy Cheeks : [voiceover on note] You were right, SpongeBob! Those jokes are funny! Come on over to the treedome tomorrow and celebrate. Sandy.
SpongeBob SquarePants : You did it, SpongeBob. You get to keep your career and your friends.
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ManRay : You mean, if I was good, then you'd let me go?
SpongeBob : Yeah, sure, why not?
ManRay : Then, uh, in that case... I am good.
SpongeBob : Really?
ManRay : Yes, really.
SpongeBob : Really, really?
ManRay : Yes, yes, really, really!
SpongeBob : Really, really, really?
ManRay : Yes, yes, already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences!
SpongeBob : Well, that's good enough for me.
[unfreezes ManRay]
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[ManRay fakes crying so he can fool SpongeBob and Patrick]
ManRay : Oh, boohoo! Oh, sob! Oh, cry! Oh, woe is me! You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be... good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency.
SpongeBob : We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go!
ManRay : [feigning being overjoyed] Ahh, that would be fantastic!
[chuckles; under his breath]
ManRay : I'll fake my way through this just like I did in high school.
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Fish Patron 1 : [the audience is not liking SpongeBob's jokes so far] Oh, brother, THIS GUY STINKS!
Fish Patron 2 : Hey! Hey, funny guy! I've got a joke for you! What smells really rotten and puts people to sleep?
SpongeBob : Um, noxious gas?
Fish Patron 2 : No! Your ACT!