- Mr. Moseby: Please don't tell me you've lost your dog in my hotel.
- Maddie: No! We're just playing hide and seek... and he's winning!
- Esteban: Oh, he's very good. Marco!
- [puts his hand over his mouth]
- Esteban: Puayo!
- Mr. Moseby: First of all, that's not hide and seek. Secondly, you don't answer yourself, and thirdly it's "Polo!" Find that dog, and remove him from the premises, or I will remove both of you permanently!
- [Moseby walks away, Maddie approaches Esteban]
- Maddie: PUAYO?
- [Maddie got caught sneaking her dog into work]
- Mr. Moseby: Now Madeline, we have strict rules about dogs in this hotel.
- Maddie: But, Ivana gets to stay in the hotel with London.
- Mr. Moseby: She's a Tipton.
- Maddie: But my house is being fumigated and Scamp has nowhere to go.
- [baby talk]
- Maddie: Please? Wook at his wittle face.
- [Maddie, Scamp, and Esteban give him puppy dog pouts]
- Mr. Moseby: Very well, but I don't want my rug soiled. That goes for all of you.
- Agnes: This is so romantic. Do you like it when I feed you?
- Cody Martin: Yes. Although, I could feed myself if you untied me.
- Agnes: But if I untied you, you might try to run away again.
- Cody Martin: No I wouldn't. And it's not because you nailed my feet to the floor, which by the way, is taking most of the enjoyment out of this tasty mac and cheese.
- Agnes: Let me pull those nails right out!
- Cody Martin: AAAARRGGGHHH!
- Cody Martin: [Wakes up from his nightmare] Man! I just had the scariest dream in the history of scary dreams.
- Agnes: What was it about, honey?
- Cody Martin: AAGGHH!
- Zack Martin: Hey, guys.
- Cody Martin: How'd she get in here?
- Zack Martin: I let her in.
- Cody Martin: Why?
- Zack Martin: [Shrugs] Kicks. By the way, you'd better get dressed. Your wedding's in 10 minutes!
- Cody Martin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wedding?
- Agnes: [Suddenly appearing in a wedding dress] Hi, hubby-wubby!
- Carey: [Showing Cody his wedding tux] Told ya it'd all work out!
- Cody Martin: [Wakes up from nightmare] AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
- Zack Martin: Man, I've been watching you scream for 10 minutes.
- Cody Martin: Why didn't you wake me?
- Zack Martin: There was nothing on TV.
- Zack Martin: Maybe she'll have a lousy time on your date. You are as boring as a stick. Actually, you could play with a stick
- Cody Martin: Thanks for trying to cheer me up. But I'm a goner. Nothing I do bothers her.
- Zack Martin: That's because you're too nice do something to gross her out. Sneeze on her, pick some eye boogers, braid your nose hairs.
- Cody Martin: Eww! That's gross!
- Zack Martin: That's the point!
- Agnes: Where'd he go?
- Cody Martin: Nothing you can do will make me tell.
- Agnes: Five bucks.
- Cody Martin: Soccer practice.
- Lord Corcoran: Oh, and on Mumsy's side, I had a Great-Great Uncle who's human was the Duke of Windsor.
- Ivana: He may be a Windsor, but you are a loser.
- Agnes: Shh, don't speak!
- [puts a finger on Zacks lips]
- Agnes: Your eyes speak for you!
- Zack Martin: I wish they'd shut up!
- Cody Martin: Agnes, what Zack is trying to say is, you came on a little strong.
- Zack Martin: No, what Zack is trying to say is...
- [opens door]
- Zack Martin: ...leave.
- Zack Martin: You gotta stop being such a pushover. Now go do my homework like you promised.
- Cody Martin: Okay... but you're only getting a B.
- Zack Martin: Yes! My first B!
- [Esteban, Maddie are playing with puppies]
- Esteban: I'm going to name my puppy... Maria Consuelo Margurito Francesca de Ciello
- Maddie: I think I'll name this one Scruffy.
- London: You call those names? Prince Percival Persimmon Du Loc. Now that's a name.
- Maddie: Sure, if you want him to get beat up at the dog park.
- [last lines]
- Mr. Moseby: What part of 'no dogs in the lobby' don't you understand? Now, whoever's father doesn't own this hotel is fired.
- [Maddie hands him a puppy]
- Mr. Moseby: Aww, wook at the wittle faces.
- Cody Martin: I'd like you to know that unlike you, I'm not enjoying your pain. Oh, hi, Agnes.
- Zack Martin: Very funny, but that won't work.
- Agnes: [Comes up behind Zack] Hi, Zack.
- Zack Martin: ARGH!
- Cody Martin: OK, now I'm enjoying it!
- Agnes: [after discovering Zack is impersonating Cody on their date] You're not my Codikins! I don't like to be fooled... Zack.
- Zack Martin: But I...
- Agnes: I know what's going on.
- Zack Martin: You do?
- Agnes: Yeah. You want me for yourself.
- Zack Martin: Whoa, there, girl! I hawked on your food, I pulled pasta out of my nose.
- Agnes: And strangely, I loved it. And you.
- Zack Martin: [Whimpers] But you love Cody!
- Agnes: I know. But you are exciting and unpredictable. You're my little rebel. Agnes likes!
- Zack Martin: But...
- Agnes: Shh! Don't speak! Your eyes speak for you.
- Zack Martin: I wish they'd shut up!
- Mr. Moseby: Mr Ambassador, I'm sure you'll love everything in our Imperial suite. It has four bathrooms, three bedrooms and
- [shocked after seeing Scamp and Ivana]
- Mr. Moseby: two dogs making kissy-face on the couch?
- Scamp Fitzpatrick: Hey, do we walk in on you when we... OK, we do.
- Carey: Agnes tells me you guys have a date tomorrow.
- Cody Martin: We don't have a date.
- Carey: OK, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What do you call it when one friend goes out to dinner with another friend?
- Zack Martin: Creepy beyond belief.
- Carey: Don't be jealous, Zack. You'll have a special friend some day, too.
- Zack Martin: Yeah, hopefully, my friend won't be from Planet Whoo!
- Carey: Cody, your little girlfriend is so sweet.
- Cody Martin: My girlfriend?
- Carey: Oh, I get it. OK. Your friend that just happens to be a girl.
- [to Agnes]
- Carey: Boys!
- Cody Martin: Our children will be Agnes Jr and Cody Jr. Our dog's name is Agnody.
- [Pulls Agnes to him]
- Cody Martin: Right, honey bear?
- Zack Martin: [Pulls Agnes to him] She's not your honey bear, she's my sugar muffin!
- Cody Martin: [Pulls Agnes to him] Tell him you're mine, cutie-patootie!
- Zack Martin: [Pulls Agnes to him] No one tells my rosie posie what to do!
- Agnes: That popping noise you hear? Yeah, that was my shoulder.
- Cody Martin: Oh, I'm sorry. Let me rub that for you, sweetie tweetie.
- Zack Martin: [Pulls Agnes to him] No one touches my lovey bunny but me!
- Cody Martin: Oh, yeah?
- Cody Martin: Yeah!