- Carey: [Zack is dressed as a girl to win a beauty contest] Zack, why are you wearing a skirt?
- Zack Martin: I did it so we could win money for bikes.
- Carey: Oh, thank goodness!
- Carey: What is going on?
- Mr. Moseby: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Your boys are attempting to destroy my hotel, but with a new twist. One of them's wearing a dress.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: You know, looks aren't everything. I mean there's reading and education. Becoming a well-rounded person.
- Beauty Contest Contestent: Do you know Orlando Bloom?
- London: Pfff.
- [shaking her head]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Orlando Bloom likes smart girls. I know he does. I just know it!
- [runs toward door and leaves]
- London: [to contestants] He doesn't.
- Bev: Miss Carey, how would you like to do a song duet with Mr. Tim?
- Tim: When pigs fly.
- Carey Martin: [to Tim] You fly?
- Zack Martin: [walking up to Brianna] So if I guess your name, do I win a kiss?
- Brianna: Oh, you're so adorable! And so completely out of your league.
- Carey Martin: What are you guys doing tonight?
- Cody Martin: Uhh...
- [walks to Carey]
- Cody Martin: I'm sleeping over at Tapeworm's
- Carey Martin: [to Zack] And you're not?
- Zack Martin: No, we had a fight.
- Carey Martin: You and Tapeworm?
- Zack Martin: Me and Zack.
- Carey Martin: [looks at Cody] Are you wearing lipstick?
- Zack Martin: See that's what the fight was about. I put lipstick on him while he was taking a nap.
- Carey Martin: [to Zack] That wasn't very nice
- Carey Martin: [to Cody] and that's not your shade.
- Zack Martin: Told you.
- Zack Martin: I'm not going to let you throw this away. We've put too much in to it.
- Cody Martin: And by "we," you mean "me". I'm the one wearing a dress.
- Zack Martin: And you've never looked better.
- Brianna's Mom: Marianne, I'm not paying for this movie. I didn't like it.
- Mr. Moseby: Of course, ma'am, I know what it's like to look at something utterly repulsive.
- Brianna's Mom: Oh, look, girls! It's little Tyreeta!
- Cody Martin: [in a girl's voice] Tyreesha!
- Brianna's Mom: Like it matters.
- Zack Martin: This is a complete washout! All of the girls are stuck up, phony...
- Cody Martin: [about Rebecca] Don't talk about her like that! She's sweet, and she's pure, and everything that's good about life.
- Zack Martin: Cody, you just met her!
- Cody Martin: And yet, I know all I need to know about her.
- Zack Martin: Oh, yeah? What's her name?
- Cody Martin: Doh!
- Carey: What's wrong with your old bikes? They're still perfectly good.
- Zack Martin: Mom, they're tricycles.
- Zack Martin: [to Cody] You need to have confidence. You're such a loser. What's wrong with you.
- [smacks Cody on the shoulder]
- Zack Martin: Sorry I ruined it for you and Rebecca. I guess I was just being a selfish, greedy, goofball.
- Cody Martin: No. You weren't greedy.
- Tim: Carey!
- Carey: Tim!
- Tim: Carey.
- Carey: Tim.
- Tim, Carey: [kissing cheeks] Mwah. Mwah.
- [Tim]
- Tim, Carey: You look... ugh
- [taking lowering singlasses]
- Tim, Carey: incredible.
- Carey: I like your hair. Did you buy it or lease it?
- Tim: It was a gift.
- [touching hair]
- Tim: Funny seeing you here.
- Carey: I work here.
- Tim: Good for you. There's no shame in being a maid.
- [wagging finger]
- Carey: Actually, I'm a headliner at this hotel. They've given a suite for me and my boys.
- Tim: I heard you had kids. Don't worry, you'll get your figure back.
- Brianna's Mom: You know, Marianne. These rose-colored candies are horrible.
- [takes the soap out of her mouth]
- Mr. Moseby: That's soap, Madame.
- Brianna's Mom: Well, then. They're pretty dang good.
- [puts the soap back in her mouth]
- Rebecca: [to Cody] You're just in time! We're playing "What do you want to be when you grow up"!
- Brianna: Okay, me next.
- [poses on a chair]
- Brianna: A supermodel.
- Rebecca: Tyreesha, What do you wanna be?
- Cody Martin: I wanna be a hockey player.
- [contestants stare]
- Cody Martin: [in a girlish voice] Or a princess. Which ever pays better.
- [all giggle]
- Cody Martin: I can't believe I thought that a girl could be more useful than a bike!
- Zack Martin: It's ok, buddy. We all make mistakes.
- Cody Martin: Well, I'm never making that mistake again! From now on, it's just you and me.
- Rebecca: [Cody comes back into the dressing room, after doing her modelling routine on the catwalk as "Tyreesha"] Tyreesha! You were great! I can't believe I've never seen you before!
- Cody Martin: [in a girlish voice, as "Tyreesha"] Thanks. I'm new to this.
- Brianna: [walking over to Cody/"Tyreesha" and Rebecca, putting her hand on his/her shoulder] And I'm sure no-one noticed you trip!
- [to Rebecca]
- Brianna: And, Rebecca, your dress is so darling!
- [Rebecca looks down at her dress and smiles]
- Brianna: It's just long enough to hide your scrawny little chicken legs!
- Cody Martin: [in his normal voice, to Brianna] Hey! Back off, girl!
- [Brianna backs up]
- Cody Martin: [in his girl voice again] I mean, why can't we all just be nice to each other?
- Brianna: [Brianna looks at Cody/Tyreesha, shocked] You *are* new!
- [Brianna winces and walks away]
- Tyreesha's Mom: [showing Tyreesha her pageant dress] Oh, Tyreesha! In this dress, you are *bound* to win!
- Tyreesha: [fed up with her mum and yells at her] No, I quit! I'm sick of beauty pageants!
- [throwing the dress down on the chair]
- Tyreesha: I'm going to science camp!
- [storms off from her mum]
- Tyreesha's Mom: [going after Tyreesha, upset] Where did I go wrong? Tyreesha!
- Beauty Contest Contestent: [to London, asking her what she wanted to be when she was growing up] London, what did you want to be when you were little?
- London: I wanted to be an heiress! And I did it. Yay me!
- [London as well as the other contestants clap]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [to London, sarcastically] You must be *so* proud! It takes a special kind of person to be *born* rich.
- London: [gasps] Thank you!