- Cody Martin: I'm going to go speak the language of love with MY girlfriend.
- Zack Martin: [sarcastically] Darn you, DARN YOU TO HECK!
- Jolie: Bye, Cody! See you, er, yesterday!
- Cody Martin: 'Yesterday'. She means 'tomorrow'. Isn't that the cutest thing?
- Zack Martin: Hey, hot babe.
- Jolie: Je ne comprende pas, je suis désolé.
- Zack Martin: Oh, that's a cool name. Désolé!
- Mr. Moseby: No, Zack, "désolé" means "sorry". She can't understand you. And her name is Jolie.
- Zack Martin: Oh, okay.
- Cody Martin: So, how do I look? And be brutal.
- Zack Martin: Like a backstabbing French girl stealing jerk in a goofy sweater vest.
- Cody Martin: You really think it's goofy?
- Jolie: [in French] Papa, Cody m'a demander de sortir avec lui demain soir. P'ui j'aller?
- [Daddy, Cody asked me out for a date with him tomorrow night. Can I go?]
- Maurice Fruggard: A date? You will need a chaperone!
- Mr. Moseby: I completely agree.
- Maurice Fruggard: Good. So you'll do it!
- Mr. Moseby: Say what?
- Maurice Fruggard: Say yes, or we're checking out.
- Esteban: No one assaults a woman by Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez! Or as I will now be called: El Diablo!
- Cody Martin: [to Bob] For the last time, that's the difference between boron and freon! Now I'd like to be free from you, boron!
- Bob: Wow! You're as vicious as Zack said.
- Zack Martin: [to Jolie] You, me. Dinner, dancing.
- Jolie: J'ai peur.
- [I'm scared]
- Zack Martin: She wants me.
- Mr. Moseby: Yes, arrested.
- Cody Martin: [to Mr. Moseby] I wanna ask Jolie out. Can you translate for me?
- Mr. Moseby: I'd rather lick the inside of a city bus.
- Zack Martin: Mom, where's the conditioner?
- Carey Martin: Next to the shampoo.
- Zack Martin: Where's the shampoo?
- Carey Martin: Next to the soap.
- Zack Martin: Where's the soap?
- Carey Martin: This is all new to you, isn't it?
- Zack Martin: [to Carey] Why do you always fall for Cody's sweet and sensitive act?
- Carey Martin: That's not an act. That's how he is.
- Zack Martin: But he locked me in a closet! He's vicious, I tell you. Vicious!
- Carey Martin: Are we talking about the same kid who cries when I vacuum up the dust bunnies?
- Zack Martin: Oh, he's good!
- Cody Martin: [to Jolie] Hey, did I ever tell you, vos cheveux ressemblent à l'algue?
- [Your hair looks like seaweed]
- Jolie: Excusez moi?
- Cody Martin: Vous êtes comme idiot comme poteau.
- [You're dumber than a post]
- Jolie: Je suis quoi?
- Cody Martin: Vous sentez comme une chèvre humide.
- [You smell like a wet goat]
- Mr. Moseby: [to Zack and Jolie] How is everything going?
- Cody Martin: [Jolie stomps on Cody's foot and leaves] Je suis ow!
- Cody Martin: [after seeing Jolie kiss Zack] This is how you get a girl back for me?
- Zack Martin: It's not what it looks like!
- Cody Martin: Well, I'm gonna kick your a...
- Mr. Moseby: Derrière.
- Cody Martin: That too!
- [chases Zack]