- Snooty Woman: [to Zack and Cody] You again? And who's that? Your parole officer?
- Bob: I was going to buy something, but you can forget it now!
- Bob: [after being caught skipping school, but shifting blame onto Zack and Cody] Mrs Martin. Well, I see you've got some parenting to do.
- Carey Martin: And Bob, I'll call your mother and tell her exactly how you spent your day.
- Bob: In which case, I'd better go and pick her up something nice.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [pulling London away from an argument with her stepmother, Brandi] London, remember what Sister Dominick taught us? About turning our anger into love? How we have to reach out to others and do nice things for them?
- London Tipton: I don't want to do nice things for Brandi.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: I don't care about her! I'm talking about me!
- London Tipton: Brandi, don't leave. I'm sorry about all the mean things I said to you. I didn't realize you were being annoying because you cared.
- Brandi: I guess I just got excited about having a stepdaughter.
- London Tipton: Well, how about we start by just being friends?
- Brandi: I'd like that.
- [She and London hug each other as Carey enters the hotel with the boys and lays down the law with them]
- Brandi: Boy, it's great being a mom.
- Carey Martin: Take a good look at the people in the lobby, boys, because they have lives and you don't! For one month, that means no movies, no desserts, no television, no music. Cody, for you, no reading for fun!
- London Tipton: [to Brandi] Don't worry. I never read for fun.
- Cody Martin: [when Carey comes to the mall] Why did she come in here? She can't afford this stuff! I should know! I do her taxes!
- Mr. Moseby: Oh, dear, did I just hear you say there's another new Mrs. Tipton?
- London Tipton: Ah uh.
- Mr. Moseby: I wish I would've known. I would have bought them an extravagant gift, although the warranties on my last two gifts lasted longer than the marriages.
- London Tipton: I don't get him anything, he gets me a "Sorry I got married again without telling you" charm for my bracelet. Look, I got five of them now, they're all solid gold.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Oooh, can I try it on?
- [London puts the bracelet on Maddie]
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: It's kinda heavy.
- [Maddie falls over with the weight of the bracelet]
- Cody Martin: What's Mom doing here at the mall?
- Zack Martin: I don't know she works like 2 hours a day, she has to spend the rest of her life somewhere.
- Cody Martin: [to Zack] You wanna cut school?
- Zack Martin: Why not? Look at you, what do you do all day?
- Cody Martin: Schoolwork.
- Zack Martin: And what do you do when we get home?
- Cody Martin: Homework.
- Zack Martin: And on the weekends?
- Cody Martin: Weekendwork.
- Zack Martin: There's no such thing as weekendwork!
- Brandi: London, it's so nice to meet you. Your father's told me all about you.
- [hugs London]
- London Tipton: Moseby, why is this stranger hugging me?
- Mr. Moseby: She's your stepmother.
- London Tipton: Moseby, why is my stepmother hugging me?
- Brandi: Because I love you, silly.
- London Tipton: You just met me.
- Brandi: I know, but I already love you. You're my daughter, and you're perfect in every way.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Wait until you get to know her.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: London, I heard the big news!
- London Tipton: Yes, it's true! I just bought my thousandth pair of shoes!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: No, your father got remarried.
- London Tipton: You call that news?
- Wacky Wally: [to Cody] You're Wing Lee?
- Cody Martin: You got a problem with that?
- Wacky Wally: I got a problem with my girlfriend. I don't care what your name is.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: You two can bond by shopping.
- Brandi: But she's grounded.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Well, then you'll only shop on the ground floor.
- Brandi: Well, I'm willing to try if London is.
- London Tipton: Fine, but you've got to come.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Um, I'm working.
- London Tipton: I'll buy you whatever you want.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: [puts the closed block on the desk] Let's shop till we drop, girls!
- Brandi: Okay, you can buy whatever you want.
- London Tipton: I can do that anyway.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: But I can't. Thanks, mom!
- [hugs Brandi]
- Carey Martin: [looks at the price tag] Whoa, that's a lot of numbers! What do you suggest for a woman who's on a budget?
- Snooty Woman: Marry a rich man or failing that, down the street, the 49-cent store.
- Snooty Woman: [brings Carey bottled water] I hope it's cold enough for you.
- Carey Martin: Well, did you hold it right next to your heart?
- London Tipton: [to Brandi] Look, I don't need you in my life.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: What London means is...
- London Tipton: I don't want you in my life!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: And by that she means...
- London Tipton: You're not my mother!
- Brandi: Look, I'm going to be around for a long, long time. Your father and I love each other.
- London Tipton: That's what stepmother #1 said, stepmother #2 said they were soul mates, and stepmother #3 was gone before the charm was even finished. You're just another one of these.
- [holds up charm bracelets; Brandi walks away; saddened]
- Mr. Moseby: That may be, London, but at least she's doing something that the other three haven't.
- London Tipton: What?
- Mr. Moseby: She's trying. Remember how #3 just called you, "that kid?"
- London Tipton: Oh, I remember her, "that woman."
- Brandi: What's your favorite animal?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Cat.
- London Tipton: Broccoli.
- [Maddie and Brandi look at London strangely]
- Brandi, London Tipton: Okay... What's your favorite hobby?
- Brandi, London Tipton: Shopping!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Ding, ding, ding! We have a match!
- Brandi: [when she grounds London] A mother is never happy when she punishes her child.
- London Tipton: Well the child ain't so thrilled either!
- Brandi: [to London] You will show your stepmother some respect!
- London Tipton: [gestures to the door] I will show my stepmother the door!