- T. Bag: Madam mischief has all but one of those silver spoons, this is our last chance to stop her. So shift yourself.
- T. Shirt: Oh, spoons, spoons, spoons!
- T. Bag: What?
- T. Shirt: I'm fed up hearing about those boring spoons, chasing all over the place, it's stupid.
- T. Bag: Stupid! Stupid! I'll stupid you. You're supposed to be helping me.
- T. Shirt: What's the point? We never win, we never get them.
- Queen: Who are you child and where did you spring from?
- T. Shirt: You'd never believe me if I told you.
- Queen: Try me.
- T. Shirt: Well, my name's T-Shirt.
- Queen: I don't believe you.
- T. Shirt: And I come from a temple on top of a tea pot.
- Queen: I definitely don't believe you!
- T. Shirt: And the woman in charge is called T-Bag.
- Queen: T-Bag?
- T. Shirt: And she sent me here out of her way, told you, you wouldn't believe it.
- Queen: You were quite right.
- Sally Simpkins: Why does everyone keep calling me lad? I'm a girl.
- Queen: Then how come you weareth this manly garb?
- Sally Simpkins: Oh, no, no, these are jeans.
- Queen: Does Jean know you have them?
- T. Bag: [posing as Tyrone Bag] I shall now take myself off on a lingering stroll and peruse your opus. Adieu.
- William Wagadagger: Your majesty, the Royal Wagadagger company presents William Wagadagger' tragic tale "The life and death of the young Prince Jack". Played by yours truly, ma'am.
- Queen: Do we know this Mr. Truly?
- William Wagadagger: A rose by any other name would be a tulip or a daisy or a daffodil. But thou, fair maid, of all the flowers in the garden...
- [groans as he straightens himself]
- William Wagadagger: ... are the biggest bloomer of the lot.