- Officer Stacy Sheridan: [testing out her hidden mike] And about the plants, make sure they all get enough water. And don't forget to talk to them at least once a day. They like that.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: [answers through walkie talkie] I always get tongue tied when I talk to a philodendron.
- Officer Vince Romano: [Hooker is keeping a plane from taking off by driving in front of it in his black-and-white] We could end up a hood ornament on that thing.
- Officer Jim Corrigan: Hooker, look what you did. You were supposed to talk to Stacy's plants!
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I did, honest. Philodendrons don't like cop stories.
- Lt. Drummer: I don't know whether you find trouble or it finds you, Hooker.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Well, as it says in the manual, Lieutenant, we're always on duty.
- Lt. Drummer: Yeah. They said you had a make on the body.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: Earl Hannaman. I busted him a few years ago. He works with a carbon copy loser, name of Carl Malek. He and Malek have been a team since they went to reform school. I'd bet my pension it was Malek who got away!
- Claudia Cole: [a bikini clad girl enters Hooker's hotel room] Here's your game of Scrabble, Hooker. I waited up for you last night so we could play. But when you didn't come home, I played solitaire.
- Officer Vince Romano: [flabbergasted] You played solitaire Scrabble?
- Claudia Cole: Yeah, that way, I don't lose points for spelling.
- Virgil Dobbs: I'm hurt.
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: You better hope we get five young women back, or you're just beginning to hurt.
- Carl Malek: Are you calling me a killer?
- Sgt. T.J. Hooker: I'm calling you a white slaver! You shipped Bonnie out of the country.
- Carl Malek: Why, you've been smokin' swamp weed, Hooker.