The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #2.3 (2005)

James Smith: Glenn Cullen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver Reeder : Who wants to go and watch bollockvision?

  Hugh Abbott : Bollockvision?

  Oliver Reeder : Mr. Malcolm Tucker, turning it all the way up to eleven down in the lobby. Come and have a look.

  [cut to them all watching Tucker shouting at another minister on an adjacent floor from a balcony] 

  Hugh Abbott : Poor Keith. Malcolm must fucking love this place, four ministers in one building. It's his dream, a one-stop bollock shop.

  Glenn Cullen : Trouble is we're going to be getting some of that in about an hour.

  Hugh Abbott : Yeah. I don't know which is worse, watching him slowly rumble towards you like a prostate cancer or him appearing suddenly out of nowhere like a severe stroke.

  [Terri, whose father just died, looks at him] 

  Hugh Abbott : Oh. How's your sister coping?

• Malcolm Tucker : So, did you enjoy the show?

  Glenn Cullen : You were magnificent, darling!

  Hugh Abbott : Yeah, should I phone Keith so I can get his team to watch you bollock me now?

  Malcolm Tucker : No no no. Have I got my bollocking face on?

  Hugh Abbott : Well, I...

  Malcolm Tucker : [making a seriously scary face]  No, this is my bollocking face.

  Hugh Abbott : Oh, crickey, yes. Thanks for the pot plant, by the way.

  Malcolm Tucker : Did I send that?

  Hugh Abbott : As an office warming present.

  Malcolm Tucker : Christ, she's a great PA isn't she, Sam? She always remembers the little people. Look at the size of that fucker, you can fucking crucify somebody on that!

• Hugh Abbott : So, citizenshit. What we need to do to knock together some nice, touchy-feely, fondle-y, sneaky, hand-in-the-bra sort of policies.

  Glenn Cullen : New bicycles for special constables, that sort of thing?

  Hugh Abbott : Yeah. Yeah.

  Oliver Reeder : Making special needs kids clean up graffiti.

  Hugh Abbott : Yeah, that's just very mean.

  Oliver Reeder : Well, yes. Not, of course, as mean as making them spell graffiti. That genuinely is very mean.

  Glenn Cullen : [gets up and leaves]  I'll go and have a word with Malcolm.

  Oliver Reeder : OK.

  Hugh Abbott : You just took a shit with your clothes on, Olly.

  Oliver Reeder : Why?

  Hugh Abbott : Glenn's boy, Peter, he went to a special needs school.

  Oliver Reeder : Oh.

  Hugh Abbott : Yep.

  Oliver Reeder : Glenn's had sex.

  Hugh Abbott : God, you are such a prick, Olly. There's more to life, you know, than drinks parties at the Foreign Office and having Nick Robinson's mobile number on your fucking Blackberry.

  Oliver Reeder : All right, all right, fine. Sorry, Hugh. I feel for the guy, I had a girlfriend with special needs once, so I know.

  [with a smile] 

  Oliver Reeder : Luckily I was able to fulfil them.

  Hugh Abbott : Oh, God, you're such a...

• Glenn Cullen : [on the plans to shut down special schools]  Inclusion is an illusion.