Three's Company (TV Series)

Jack Looks for a Job (1977)

Bill Fiore: Harvey

Quotes 

• Harvey : [photographer in studio]  Where's Freddy? We've got a lot of work to do!

  Sally : [his model]  I don't know.

  Harvey : Oh, well, let's get some shots of you while we're waiting.

  Sally : Okay! Oh, what will we be doing today?

  Harvey : It's a new series called Bedroom Playground.

  [enthuses:] 

  Harvey : Ah! And a centerfold.

  Sally : Oh, good! I haven't done a centerfold for ages.

  Harvey : No, It's not for you, darling, it's for Freddy. If he ever gets here.

  [checks watch inpatiently] 

  Sally : [whines]  How come the guys are getting all the centerfolds?

  Harvey : Equal rights.

  Sally : [shrugs]  Would you like me to wear my black fishnets and my lace garter belt?

  Harvey : Not for this layout. Just wear your dimples.

  Sally : I can't just wear a garter belt. I have a head cold.

  Harvey : Then wear a wig.

  [she whacks him on his shoulder with her hairbrush, then goes off to the changing booth, starts undressing] 

  Jack Tripper : [enters studio]  Hi.

  Harvey : Yes?

  Jack Tripper : I came in answer to your ad. Look, I'm gonna be very frank with you. I've had no experience,

  [Harvey nods] 

  Jack Tripper : and I know you're talking to a lot of people

  [Harvey nods again] 

  Jack Tripper : and I know you'd like to see some references just to make sure I'm qualified, but I work very hard and be very cooperative, so... feel free to ask me anything you'd like.

  Harvey : What's your name?

  Jack Tripper : Uh, Jack Tripper.

  Harvey : You got the job.

  Jack Tripper : No, you don't...

  [realizes:] 

  Jack Tripper : I have?

  Harvey : You're in pretty good shape, are you?

  Jack Tripper : Oh, yeah. 42 chest, 31 waist...

  Harvey : What about the rest of you?

  Jack Tripper : Fantastic.

  Harvey : Take off your clothes.

  Jack Tripper : Uh... uh, are we modeling bathing suits?

  Harvey : No. Birthday suits.

  [Jack is of course totally taken aback] 

  Harvey : What's wrong?

  Jack Tripper : Why, I just thought I was supposed to model clothes.

  Harvey : Do you want the job or don't you?

  Jack Tripper : Yeah, but I don't wanna pose...

  [embarrassed:] 

  Jack Tripper : naked.

  Harvey : Not naked. Nude.

  Jack Tripper : What's the difference?

  Harvey : Oh, there's all the difference in the world. Naked is dirty. Nude is...

  [grandiose gesture] 

  Harvey : art. And that's what my pictures are. Art.

  Jack Tripper : Uh, can I ask you something? Uh, what... what are these pictures for?

  Harvey : Living Love.

  [disappears under photographer's cloak] 

  Jack Tripper : Uh, excuse me?

  [gives Harvey a start by peering into lens] 

  Jack Tripper : What's Living Love?

  Harvey : You've heard of Playboy?

  Jack Tripper : Yeah, sure.

  Harvey : Good. Now you've heard of Living Love.

  Jack Tripper : I don't think I wanna do this.

• Jack Tripper : I don't think I wanna do this.

  Harvey : Ashamed of your body?

  Jack Tripper : Of course not. It's just I have certain principles and there's some things I will not do. And one of them is...

  Harvey : Did you come here to debate or to make ten bucks an hour?

  Jack Tripper : Oh, where do I get undressed?

  Harvey : Right in there.

  [directs him to changing booth] 

  Sally : [Jack pulls away curtain of first changing booth, surprising nude model inside]  What?

  Jack Tripper : I didn't know this

  [stammers] 

  Jack Tripper : cubicle was taken, otherwise I wouldn't have come... barging... in here like this. Uh, I'm, I'm really... I'm really sorry... I... I would have knocked... I hope I haven't, uh...

  Harvey : It's...

  Jack Tripper : No, this one seems , uh, to be taken.

  Harvey : Then why don't you use the empty one, huh?

  Jack Tripper : Oh, right.

  [to nude model:] 

  Jack Tripper : Well, see ya.

  Sally : You've just seen it!

  [Jack goes 'next door' to the other changing booth] 

  Harvey : [speaking to his models behind their curtains]  That was Sally. Sally, this is Jack. I'm using him instead of Freddy.

  [walks off] 

  Sally : [from behind curtain]  Hi, Jack!

  Jack Tripper : [from behind curtain]  Hi, Sally!

  Sally : You're cute!

  Jack Tripper : Well,

  [chuckles] 

  Jack Tripper : you're cute too!

  Harvey : [setting up camera]  I'll be with you kids in a minute.

  Jack Tripper : Oh, uh, well, listen, Sally... why don't you go ahead of me? I can wait, I've got plenty of time.

  Sally : [laughs]  We're posing together, silly!

  Jack Tripper : [comes running out of booth with his pair of shoes in front of his underpants]  You did not tell me I would be posing with a girl.

  Harvey : Oh, what's wrong with that?

  Jack Tripper : Well, well, we'll both be naked.

  Harvey : [exasperated]  Nude!

  Jack Tripper : What about my family and my friends?

  Harvey : No, I only want you and the girl.

  Jack Tripper : What if they see me?

  Harvey : What?

  Jack Tripper : What if my family and my friends see me in a...

  Harvey : Oh, don't worry about that. You see, the way I use light and shadow, nobody will see your face. I'll show you what I mean.

  [picks up one of his photographs] 

  Harvey : Here's a shot I took yesterday.

  [Jack still clutches his pair of shoes in front of him] 

  Jack Tripper : You've got one... You got four people there.

  Harvey : [proudly points out:]  Five.

  [Jack drops the shoes]