Titus (TV Series)
Grandma Titus (2002)
Phyllis Diller: Grandma Titus
Quotes
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Tommy Shafter : Do you remember me, Mrs. Titus?
Grandma Titus : Of course, Tommy. Have you found a nice young man to settle down with?
Tommy Shafter : I'm not gay.
Grandma Titus : Oh. Then you're not the Tommy I knew.
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Grandma Titus : Who are you?
Christopher Titus : I'm George Washington, Grandma.
Grandma Titus : Whore-monger.
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Ken Titus : You drove my father to booze and women.
Grandma Titus : I did not, he drove himself. I was at home with you. I didn't have a car!
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Grandma Titus : You know, you're the best grandson. I guess, I... I don't know you from Adam.
Dave Scouvel : Who's Adam? Did we have another brother?
Christopher Titus : [sarcastically] Yeah, Dave. We had another brother. He was a Siamese twin. You were seperated at birth, and now he works at a freak show.
Dave Scouvel : I knew it!
[feels his side]
Dave Scouvel : Appendix scar, my ass!
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Grandma Titus : [hitting Titus with a ruler] Get out of here! Bad man! Bad man! Bad man! BAD!
Christopher Titus : Not bad man. Good man! Grandson!
Grandma Titus : My grandson is dead.
Christopher Titus : I'm your grandson.
Grandma Titus : So, you're dead?
Christopher Titus : I'm obviously alive.
Grandma Titus : Oh, then you're not my grandson!
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Kid : Hey, man. Way to go, bringing up her poor, dead grandson!
Christopher Titus : I *am* her dead grandson!
Grandma Titus : You've got the reefer madness!
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Grandma Titus : Oh, you think you've got backbone, boy! That's because you've never crossed me!
Ken Titus : Well, bring it on, Gram-gram!
Grandma Titus : You're nuts! Just like your mother! I have just two words for you; shock therapy.
Christopher Titus : [scared] Dad, Gram-gram bad.
Ken Titus : All right, all right. That is it! you know something, Mom. You have abused me, my whole life, but you do not abuse my son!
Christopher Titus : Yeah, *he* does that!
Ken Titus : Yeah!