Trailer Park Boys (TV Series)

Conky (2004)

Robb Wells: Ricky

Quotes 

• Nurse : And what is your problem, sir?

  Ricky : Well, now I can't smoke. That's my first problem. I have a busted nose, which I now have a rag glued to. And a fuckin' truck glued to my hand! How's that for a start?

  Conky : And he's fucked in the head. He needs a brain transplant.

• Conky : Why don't you just shoot off your gun some more, very recklessly like? Idiot!

  Ricky : Did you just call me an idiot, Conky? Huh?

  Conky : Maybe I did... Reveen.

  Ricky : Alright, "Reveen" is taking it a little too far, alright, you little fucker?

  Conky : [singing]  He's the fucking man they call...

  Julian : Don't say it, Bubbles.

  Conky : [singing]  Reveeeeeeen.

• Julian : In sixth grade Bubbles made this puppet he called Conky.

  Ricky : What a little asshole.

  Julian : He took the doll with him everywhere. It was kind of like his confidante.

  Ricky : His what?

  Julian : Never mind. Anyway, we had to take the doll away, because it fucked Bubbles' mind up big time.

  Ricky : Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as bein' Bubbles. He was trying to be this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was, it was fucked.

• Ricky : [Flipping off receptionist with both hands]  This is called the double whammy, which I only bring out for special occasions.

• Ricky : [Looking for where he threw Conky in the swamp]  I don't know where it was. It was grade six. I was drunk.

• Ricky : [the police outside]  I give us about a ten percent chance of getting out of this one boys.

  Julian : Wait, is that George Green?

  Ricky : That is George Green. Okay scratch that, our chances just went up to ninety-five percent.

• Julian : Ricky, you're pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet. Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.

  Ricky : I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.

• Sarah : Lahey was having your cats spayed. Not put to sleep. Come on Bubbles, you know him better than that.

  Bubbles : Oh my God boys, what have we done to Lahey and Randy?

  Ricky : [Short pause]  Fuck em.

• Ricky : Telling me to fuck myself? No you fuck off, you little fucker!

  Julian : Ricky, who the hell are you talking to?

  Ricky : Fucking squirrel on my shoulder, just told me to fuck off!

• Ricky : Holy fuck, purple squirrels!

  [Shoots gun wildly] 

• Ricky : [Bubbles is inside the vet's office, attacking Randy, while Ricky watches from outside. He has accidentally glued a rag to his nose with contect cement] 

  Ricky : What the fuck?... Julian, it must be the fumes. I'm hallucinating, man. It looks like Bubbles has wings on his back and he's strangling Mike Bullard.

• Ricky : Then these two idiots showed up here, drunk as fuck, starting shit, mumbling something about shit-wolves, then they pissed themselves and passed out. I don't fucking know, they're fucked. You know that.