- [Lucy is watching "Invitation To Love"]
- Sheriff Truman: Morning Lucy, what's going on?
- Lucy Moran: Er... thanks to Jade, Jared decided not to kill himself, and he's changed his will leaving the Towers to Jade instead of Emerald, but Emerald found out about it, and now she's trying to seduce Chet to give her the new will so that she can destroy it; Montana's planning to kill Jared at midnight so the Towers will belong to Emerald and Montana, but I think she's going to double-cross him and he doesn't know it yet. Poor Chet.
- Sheriff Truman: What's going on *here*?
- [Cooper is talking to his boss on the phone]
- FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole: I've got an OOJ and an AFO here from Albert concerning his mano a mano with the local Sheriff Truman. Albert wants this guy's badge, Coop.
- Dale Cooper: Gordon, here's how it is. You know Albert. In my opinion, Sheriff Truman displayed the patience of a saint, *not* clocking him a day earlier than he did.
- FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole: He wants it filed with the U.S. Attorney.
- Dale Cooper: File it under "F", for "forget it".
- FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole: Cooper.
- Dale Cooper: And you tell Albert that if he wants to pursue this,
- FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole: [trying to interrupt] Coop.
- Dale Cooper: I'll fight him all the way up the chain to Washington!
- FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole: Don't get excited and hang up, now.
- Dale Cooper: I'll talk to you later, Gordon.
- [Cooper hangs up]
- Dale Cooper: Laura Palmer's murder was vicious and calculated. There's no telling what we'll encounter, bringing a suspect to ground. After Andy's mishap at the motel, I wanna make absolutely certain each of us is comfortable and confident with our firearms.
- Deputy Tommy 'Hawk' Hill: Nice piece.
- Dale Cooper: Actually, it's standard issue. I made a few modifications. How long has Lucy been upset with Andy?
- Sheriff Truman: Body language?
- Dale Cooper: In this case, it was yelling through a megaphone.
- Deputy Andy Brennan: She won't speak to me and I don't know why. I don't know why she is doing what she is doing. I just can't figure her out.
- Dale Cooper: There's no logic to work around here. Let that one go.
- Dale Cooper: In the grand design women were drawn from a different set of blueprints
- Deputy Tommy 'Hawk' Hill: [Looking at Cooper's 10-ring target sheet] Only four hits?
- Dale Cooper: Well I got four through the eyes and two through each nostril.
- Bobby Briggs: Laura wanted to die.
- Dr. Lawrence Jacoby: How do you know that?
- Bobby Briggs: Because she told me.
- Dr. Lawrence Jacoby: What else did she tell you? Did she tell you that there was no goodness in the world?
- Bobby Briggs: She said people try to be good but they're really sick and rotten, her most of all, and every time she tried to make the world a better place, something terrible came up inside her and pulled her back down into hell. Took her deeper and deeper into the blackest nightmare. Every time it got harder to go back up to the light.
- [looking at the dead body of Bernard Renault]
- Ben Horne: And do we know if the late Bernard gave you up?
- Leo Johnson: I told him that if he ever did, I'd kill him.
- Ben Horne: Well, did he?
- Leo Johnson: No, but he shouldn't have trusted me. Like I said, Bernie wasn't too bright.