Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Does This Smell Funny to You (2005)
Orson Bean: Norman
Photos
Quotes
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Alan Harper : Norman, this is Berta.
Norman : Hello.
Berta : What is this, a fix-up?
Alan Harper : No, uh, nothing like that.
Berta : That's good, because I'd probably kill him.
[to Norman]
Berta : Nothing personal, Cottontop, I just kinda like it rough.
Alan Harper : [to Norman] Have another cookie.
Berta : So, is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?
Alan Harper : Well, it's a little complicated. Charlie -
[Berta cuts him off]
Berta : Got it.
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Berta : You got a gun?
Norman : No!
Berta : Want one?
Alan Harper : Berta!
Berta : I'm making small talk!
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Evelyn Harper : You know what, Norman? You look a lot like my fifth husband.
Norman : Really? How many times you been married?
Evelyn Harper : Four.
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Norman : Can I give you a little advice, kid?
Charlie Harper : Sure.
Norman : I was a player once, like you.
Charlie Harper : Do tell.
Norman : Does the name "Tuesday Weld" mean anything to you?
Charlie Harper : No.
Norman : Joey Heatherton?
Norman : The immortal Miss Anne Francis? TV's Honey West?
Charlie Harper : Sorry.
Norman : Well, look 'em up on your internet. They were all hot and I nailed 'em.
Charlie Harper : Really? Well, kudos.
Norman : But nothing lasts forever. There's going to come a time when you'll want to settle down. I only hope you don't make the same mistake I did. I picked a young hottie 'cause I figured if I was gonna die, it'd be in the sack, with a smile on my face.
Charlie Harper : That's my retirement plan.
Norman : But it doesn't work that way. What happens is... you get your heart broken, and you wind up having a coffee klatsch with some putz who never heard of Honey West.