- Tina Ellroy: [when she and Lizzie confront Rachel about gaining the "Freshman 15"] It's okay. You know? You're just under stress. You know? Food can be such a comfort.
- Rachel Lindquist: Yeah? Well, then you must be really comfortable, Tina. Why don't I get you a pillow?
- Tina Ellroy: I am not fat! I am voluptuous! I got back!
- Rachel Lindquist: Yeah, well, just don't back into me!
- Books: [after shutting down the elevator the boys are in] You're in hell! You're in my hell!
- Ron Garner: Oh, my God, did you hear that, man? We're in that Boglin's hell!
- Marshall Nesbitt: That little guy scares the crap out of me, you guys.
- Lloyd Haythe: [yells up to Books] Why don't you fight like a man, gnome boy?
- Books: [after the boys steal their "Theta"] I can't believe this! Those guys are so dead!
- Taint: [pushes Books] Oh, really?
- Books: What? Come on! It's not my fault.
- Taint: Of course, it's your fault! The pickles! Nobody can eat that many pickles, it's impossible!
- Books: I ate that many pickles! Even more pickles than they did!
- Taint: What is this obsession with pickles, man? We're a frat! Who cares? We drink beer!