Stephanie Hodge: Jennie Malloy

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : [first lines, as Tiffany comes home, and sits down next to Mom on couch]  Hi, Tiffany.

  [no response, she busies herself with TV's remote control] 

  Jennie Malloy : Hi, Tiffany.

  Tiffany Malloy : [notices, not caring]  Oh, you're home.

  Jennie Malloy : You know, I get nicer greetings from handicapped people whose spaces I park in.

  [Tiffany shifts uncomfortably on her seat] 

  Jennie Malloy : Look, honey, I think we need some 'us' time, hmm? How about we go to some place together, maybe one of those trendy little coffee shops where we can drink cappuccino and rap?

  [hard sell:] 

  Jennie Malloy : We'll make fun of the old people. You know, the ones who order regular coffee?

  Tiffany Malloy : Mom, coffee shops are out. All the old people started going, thinking they were cool. The new 'in' place is...

  [Jennie looks at her expectantly, and she catches herself] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Never mind.

  [patting Mom on arm in patronizing way] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Mom, it's nothing personal, it's just that only complete terminal dorks wanna spend time with their mothers.

  Ryan Malloy : [enters, with Ross in tow]  Hi, Mom, wanna do something?

  Jennie Malloy : [snarls]  I'm busy!

  [but finds a use for him:] 

  Jennie Malloy : Why don't you walk the dogs? And don't forget to kick the poop into the neighbor's ivy where they won't find it until the kids have an Easter egg hunt.

  Ross Malloy : [to Ryan]  I'll hold the leash, you kick.

  Ryan Malloy : No way, I'm wearing my good shoes, I'll pick it up with my hands, but...

• Tiffany Malloy : [playing Bingo]  So this is where you go for excitement, huh, Mom?

  Jennie Malloy : Hey, don't knock it, it's better than sex. At least here I stand a chance of being the first to yell 'Bingo!'

  Tiffany Malloy : [does her best:]  It's really nice. I think it's great the way they got all of these corpses to sit up.

  Bingo caller : If you're done and ready, new game, new game, it's not cancerous, it's B-9.

  Tiffany Malloy : [softly, to herself:]  Kill me.

  Bingo caller : I-16.

  Tiffany Malloy : Hey, Mom, can we go to the recycling center after this?

  Bingo caller : O-70.

  Tiffany Malloy : No wonder CBS's numbers are down, all their viewers are here.

• Jennie Malloy : [planning evening with Tiffany]  So tonight we'll start our Bingo-hopping at the Lutheran church.

  Jack Malloy : [arriving home]  Where's my baby? Where is my little girl? Honey, big news, there's a sale at The House of Cashmere. Let's go tonight!

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, cashmere!

  Jennie Malloy : They're giving out bumper stickers that say 'Bingo players do it in church.'

  Tiffany Malloy : You know, that's cute, I gotta get one.

  Jack Malloy : Look, I'm begging you, come with me, we can go to the Armani Express. I even stole money from the used car lot. We can go for a cappuccino afterwards.

  Jennie Malloy : [chanting]  B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and Bingo is our game-o!

  [Tiffany laughs appreciatively] 

  Jennie Malloy : Jack, I need to tell you something.

  [she draws Jack away, and when she has his attention, gives cackling laugh] 

  Jennie Malloy : Tiffany likes me better!

  [sing-song voice, spitefully:] 

  Jennie Malloy : I'm the child's favorite! I'm the child's favorite!

• Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, I'm so glad you're home. I got a problem, and I've had no-one to talk to. My hair is drab and lifeless. It's not responding to my shampoo.

  Jack Malloy : Hmm.

  [taking a sniff] 

  Jack Malloy : Yes. You have a soap residue, and your pH balance is off.

  Tiffany Malloy : Thought so.

  Jack Malloy : I would recommend a clarifying shampoo, a heated protein pack and a fresh lemon rinse.

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, thanks, Daddy!

  [he gets a kiss] 

  Jennie Malloy : Wait a minute! He's just blathering something he heard on a TV commercial. He doesn't even know what a pH balance is.

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh yeah? Feel his hair.

  [Jack bends down, proffering his head to Jennie] 

  Jennie Malloy : [brushing her fingers through his hair]  Soft. Surprisingly soft. What's your secret?

  Jack Malloy : Beer! Inside and out! In fact, I'm soaking in it now.

  [glances at his watch] 

  Jack Malloy : Oh, say, look at the time. I'd better go get myself another treatment.

  Ryan Malloy : [arriving back home, Ross in tow]  Hey, Dad! Look, the dogs are constipated, and we really don't have anything to do. Wanna do something with us?

  Jack Malloy : [feigning he doesn't even know them]  Dad's not home yet.

  [leaves] 

  Ryan Malloy : [to Ross]  Guy looked exactly like Dad.

  Ross Malloy : C'mon, if that was Dad, he'd be holding a beer.

• Jennie Malloy : [Bingo hall is empty]  Honey, we're an hour early.

  Tiffany Malloy : I know. I just don't want some fat, gimpy woman to sit on my lucky seat. Ah, the smell of cigarettes, Bengay and Geritol. It smells like... well, like a Rolling Stones concert. Mom, I feel like I fit in here, God help me, Hallelujah, I just love it so! Mom, I'm gonna quit school, cash in my college fund and become a Bingo babe. I just know I can make a living playing Bingo.

  Jennie Malloy : Oh, honey, I know it looks glamorous, but the Bingo life is a hard one.

  Tiffany Malloy : I know, Mom, I just... I don't wanna wake up some day a famous neurologist and wonder what would have been.

  Jennie Malloy : [getting to the point]  Honey, do you love me?

  Tiffany Malloy : [evasive]  I love that you introduced me to Bingo.

• Jennie Malloy : [dancing]  Oh, I just love the Charleston!

  Jack Malloy : You know, you can make anything uncool.

  Jennie Malloy : You used to say I was bitchin'.

  Jack Malloy : You still are.