Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Halloween XXVII

Ryan Malloy

Tiffany Malloy: [to a glum-looking group of girls] Did you hear? The Halloween Hair Hacker is still on the loose.
[on closer inspection, they all have very bad haircuts]
Tiffany Malloy: Sorry.
[tiptoes away]
Amber Moss: Forget about the Halloween Hair Hacker. There's gonna be an eclipse in a few minutes.
[everything goes dark, screams ring out, and when visibility returns, Amber is shielding her hair with a textbook and Tiffany is still swinging her handbag defensively over her crowning glory]
Sable O'Brien: [Ryan is clutching her] Get off me!
Ryan Malloy: [stroking her long blond hair] But I'm protecting you! Yet, it's odd, it feels so... so safe and warm.
[he is sitting on her lap, and she dumps him contemptuously onto the floor]
Tiffany Malloy: Calm down, everybody, it was just the eclipse. Thank God it wasn't the maniac!
Michelle: [comes running in] Aah! Look what happened!
[her hair has been slashed off]
Barry: [comes running in] The cutter struck again! I'll fix it!
[ushers the latest victim away]
Amber Moss: [meekly] Who could be doing such a horrible thing?
Tiffany Malloy: Oh my God. The Hair Hacker's got everyone but us. We're the only girls left with long hair.
Sable O'Brien: Why's everyone looking at us?
Tiffany Malloy: I guess somebody's gotta say it. The Halloween Hair Hacker must be one of us.
Ryan Malloy: Yup. You're the only three that make any sense.
[weird janitor behind him is pruning a mop with garden shears]

Sable O'Brien: Okay, Tiffany, you can come in now.
Amber Moss: Even in dangerous times, she gets an entrance.
[Tiffany enters, bare-shouldered sequined dress]
Amber Moss: Wow, you make a great Jessica Rabbit.
Tiffany Malloy: Oh, thanks, but I'm not Jessica Rabbit. I couldn't find a red dress, so I'm Alice in Wonderland, all grown up. Ah, whom am I kidding, I'm nothing, I just love the way I look in this dress.
Ryan Malloy: Oh yeah? And what did you bring the bunny for?
Tiffany Malloy: Dad mumbled something about the bunny having his heart set on it, I don't know. I don't wanna upset him, he's got a lot of guns, you know.
[little laugh]
Tiffany Malloy: I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, but it took me forever to dry my hair.
[stirring up the feelings of loss amongst the wallflowers]
Tiffany Malloy: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, come on guys, let's dance.

Sable O'Brien: [at Halloween party] What are you dressed as?
Ryan Malloy: [football outfit] I'm Esmeralda's date. Half-back of Notre-Dame.
Sable O'Brien: Isn't that the Hunchback of Notre-Dame?
Ryan Malloy: [grinning] You're beautiful, baby, but you don't know a darn thing about football.

Tiffany Malloy: Hey, what's the matter, big brother?
Ryan Malloy: I wanted to be a hero, and make some points with Sable. Instead, all I got was... dry cake and no milk.
Tiffany Malloy: Come here, Fletch Face. I'll tell you what, you can still be a hero. Sable's trapped in my locker.
[smiles]
Tiffany Malloy: Why don't you go let her out?
Ryan Malloy: [grins at prospect, cake still stuck to his teeth, rushes over to locker, opens it] All right, don't come out, the maniac's still on the loose
Sable O'Brien: Oh Ryan! Hold me!
[he doesn't need inviting twice, jumps in, closing the door behind him]

Amber Moss: [at the Halloween dance] Wow, you make a great Jessica Rabbit.
Tiffany Malloy: [showing lots of cleavage] Oh, thanks, but I'm not Jessica Rabbit. I couldn't find the right dress, so I'm Alice in Wonderland, all grown up. Aw, whom am I kidding? I'm nothing, I just love the way I look in this dress.
Ryan Malloy: [re Mr. Floppy draped over her arm] Yeah? What did you bring the bunny for?
Tiffany Malloy: Dad mumbled something about the bunny having his heart set on it, I don't know. I didn't want to upset him. He's got lots of guns, you know.