- [first lines]
- Tiffany Malloy: Hey, Muffy. Did you get back your career aptitude test?
- Muffy: [scoffs] Please, I'm not gonna have a career, I'm gonna have a husband. Jobs are for guys who wanna have this.
- [points down at her svelte body]
- Muffy: So, what school did you get assigned to?
- Tiffany Malloy: Well, I decided to perform a little experiment, so I took the test *twice*, once claiming to be male, and once claiming to be female.
- Muffy: And?
- Tiffany Malloy: Well, the test results for the male me said I should be President of the United States.
- [Muffy snickers]
- Tiffany Malloy: And the test results for the female me says I have to be a nurse.
- Muffy: Oh, you're lucky! Nurses get to marry doctors. And you can't put a price tag on a man who writes a prescription.
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh, yeah, you can. The school doctor will write you a prescription for marijuana for your glaucoma for fifty bucks.
- Mr. Floppy: [playing Jeopardy] A gallon of ice cream. All the cattle in Alabama. The new VW Beetle.
- Jack Malloy: The new VW Beetle?
- Mr. Floppy: Yeah. The new VW Beetle. Name three things that Rosie O'Donnell is likely to eat.