Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)

The Temptation of Jack (1996)

Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : Well, you chased my other child away, so you must pay the price. How was school, honey?

  Tiffany Malloy : Terrible. We had to do this report on Great Women of History, so I figured that rather than the expected "yes, Madame Curie was great, blah-blah-blah" dull the report, I would take the satirical approach and do a delightful devil-may-care report on Ann-Margret. I even did a little go-go dance, including shaking my hair all around, ah, the class screamed...

  [demonstrates, the studio audience going wild] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Just like that.

  [sits down next to Mom on the couch] 

  Tiffany Malloy : You know, I thought I deserved an A+, but I only got an A.

  Jennie Malloy : Do I look like I care?

  Tiffany Malloy : No.

  Jennie Malloy : [smirking]  Well, then I guess I'm as good an actress as your idol Ann-Margret.

  Tiffany Malloy : Sable got an A+. She did Golda Meir, Nobel Peace Prize, big deal, I'd like to see her fall off a stage in Vegas and still get up and finish the show.

  [but Jennie is not a receptive audience] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, you're no good at this, I need my Daddy to come home and start adoring me.

• Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, I need to speak to you privately please.

  Jack Malloy : [as he follows her, muttering:]  Why does everybody always want to speak to me privately when I'm eating or drinking or sleeping, why can't they just call me at work when I'm doing nothing?

  [sits down next to Tiffany on couch] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, I want her out of here.

  Jack Malloy : I want her out of here too, she's been killing me for twenty years.

  Tiffany Malloy : No, Daddy, I'm talking about Sable.

  Jack Malloy : Oh.

• Sable O'Brien : [on couch, next to Tiffany, but with their backs to each other]  Ryan, would you hurry, I need a ride to the party!

  Ryan Malloy : [voice coming from upstairs]  All right, I'm coming, I'm just sliding into my leopard briefs!

  [at this, both girls choke on their snacks] 

  Sable O'Brien : [to Tiffany]  If anyone calls for me, I'll be home late, okay?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, so now I'm your answering machine, huh?

  [taunting her:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Press One if you got my number from a matchbook, press Two if you think you might have caught something from me, press Three for group rates.

  Sable O'Brien : You'd better start getting along with me. After all, we're practically sisters, what with your father getting so close to my mother.

  Tiffany Malloy : My Daddy wouldn't touch your mother. As a matter of fact, I don't really even think he touches my mother.

  Sable O'Brien : Men don't say no to my Mom, and my Mom doesn't say no to men.

• Tiffany Malloy : Now, I want you to march over to Sable's house, and tell her mother that... that mothers and daughters need to spend time together.

  Jennie Malloy : [calling to her]  Tiffany, would you like to help me cut the cake?

  Tiffany Malloy : [fake smile]  I'll be right there.

  [annoyed, to Jack:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Uh, she's so needy.

  Jack Malloy : Mm.

  Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, if you don't do it, I'm just going to have to do this.

  [pouts] 

  Jack Malloy : Oh no... not... not... not the pouty lip. And not the Bambi eyes.

  [Tiffany does both] 

  Jack Malloy : All right, all right, I'll... I'll do it.

• Tiffany Malloy : [phone rings]  Hello? No, no, Sable's not here right now.

  [mischievous:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Why, you must be her baby's father. Hello?

  [no-one at other side, bursts out laughing, shivering with delight] 

• Jack Malloy : [re Sable]  Hey, who's that? She seems like a very nice girl.

  Tiffany Malloy : I hate her.

  Jack Malloy : I hate her too.

• Sable O'Brien : [eating cake with Tiffany, but they're ignoring each other]  Ryan, will you hurry? I need a ride for the party!

  Ryan Malloy : All right, I'm coming, I'm just sliding into my leopard briefs.

  [disgusted, both girls gag on their cake, spitting it out] 

  Sable O'Brien : If anyone calls for me, I'll be home late. Okay?

  Tiffany Malloy : So, now I'm your answering machine, huh? Press One if you got my number from a matchbook. Press Two if you think you might have *caught* something from me. Press Three for group rates.

  Sable O'Brien : You better start getting along with me. After all, we're... practically sisters. What with your father getting *so* close to my mother.

  Tiffany Malloy : My father wouldn't touch your mother. As a matter of fact, I don't believe he even touches *my* mother.

  Sable O'Brien : Men doesn't say no to my Mom. And my Mom doesn't say no to men!