The Venture Bros. (TV Series)

Home Insecurity (2004)

Christopher McCulloch: Hank Venture, The Monarch, Steve Summers, Sasquatch, Manservant

Quotes 

• Brock Samson : You're Steve Summers, astronaut.

  Steve Summers : Former astronaut.

  Brock Samson : I thought you died.

  Steve Summers : That's what everyone was meant to think, though I was barely alive after my test ship broke up, but the army saved me. They spent six million dollars to give me all new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster than I was. Then you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you have any idea how long six million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary?

• Brock Samson : You could've told me Sasquatch was a dude...

  Steve Summers : What, you couldn't tell?

  Brock Samson : Not until I had to... shave him.

  [shudders] 

  Steve Summers : What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.

  Brock Samson : Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!

• Baron Ünderbheit : You have to give me this one. I've loathed Venture ever since college.

  The Monarch : Oh, who hasn't, Ünderpants? What makes your case so special?

  [Ünderbheit groans, points to his metal jaw] 

  The Monarch : Wow, you mean he did that? How?

  Baron Ünderbheit : Where I come from, a lab partnership is a sacred trust. One is always suppose to look out for one's lab partner. Venture did not.

  The Monarch : Fine, fine. But you have to understand you can't waltz into the middle of a delicate, high-stakes chess tournament and yell, "King me!" 'cause he bitched up your face.

• Hank Venture : But Pop, you're bleeding!

  Dr. Venture : [sees he wet himself]  Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress.

  Hank Venture : [points]  Dean's lactating too!

• Hank Venture : H.E.L.P.eR.'s done it.

  Hank Venture , Dean Venture : Go Team H.E.L.P.eR.!

• The Monarch : [tastes soda and spits]  What is this, diet? Why did you get diet?

  Dr. Girlfriend : I didn't.

  The Monarch : Taste this, then!

  [shoves the cup into Girlfriend's face] 

  Dr. Girlfriend : Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.

  The Monarch : How do you do that? How can you not tell the difference? God, it's like having my Dad do the shopping!