The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Autumn (1999)

Roger Lloyd Pack: Owen Newitt

Quotes 

• Owen Newitt : I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

• Owen Newitt : She's already missed one set of Sunday services and it's important she doesn't miss another.

  Alice : Can I just say, um, that I thought Mr. Pickle gave a lovely sermon as lay preacher.

  Hugo : Yes, bravo. How you kept going for two and a half hours was amazing.

  Owen Newitt : As I say, it's absolutely *vital* that she doesn't miss another Sunday. I need hardly remind you that we actually lost a couple of the older members of our congregation during last week's service.

  Jim : Don't worry Frank, they were going to die anyway. And that fellow who stood up and said "if this moron doesn't shut up soon I'm going to kill myself," and then five minutes later shot himself in the head... well, he'd been gloomy for quite some time...

• Owen Newitt : On principle, I'm a great believer in sex before marriage. Otherwise I wouldn't have had any sex at all.

  David Horton : Well, unfortunately my memory is that Jesus was against it, which I think is a problem when we're talking about our vicar.

  Owen Newitt : But things were very different in His day. Women weren't emancipated, and they hadn't yet launched Minx Magazine.

  [Hugo nods in agreement] 

  Owen Newitt : I mean Hugo, I bet you and Alice were at it like rabbits before you were married!

  Hugo : [Nods enthusiastically]  Well, right! Yes!

  Owen Newitt : What did I tell you?

  David Horton : [Sternly]  Hugo?

  Hugo : Yes, well... we... certainly ate a lot of carrots together.

• Owen Newitt : Seems fine to me.

  David Horton : What, for a vicar to go around having sex willy nilly in front of her parishioners?

  Owen Newitt : I shouldn't think it's a case of willy nilly. Willy's got to be willing! You can't do it with a willy that's nilly.

  David Horton : Oh, be serious, Owen!

• Owen Newitt : It's just that I'm a rough country type, so I thought I'd write down all my favourite words and you can tell me the ones I can still use in polite society.