The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Community Spirit (1994)

Dawn French: Geraldine Granger

Photos 

Quotes 

• [post credits] 

  Geraldine Granger : So three nuns get killed in a car crash.

  Alice Tinker : Oh, dear.

  Geraldine Granger : Yes, and they get up to heaven.

  Alice Tinker : Of course.

  Geraldine Granger : And Peter's at the gate and he says, "I'm afraid you're going to have to answer a question before you can come in."

  Alice Tinker : Oh!

  Geraldine Granger : So he says to the first one, "Don't worry the questions are very easy. What was the name of the first woman?" And she says, "Eve," and he says, "Yep, you're in." And he says to the second one, "Where did Eve live?"

  Alice Tinker : Oh yes, I know this.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, yeah yeah. And she says,

  Geraldine Granger , Alice Tinker : "Garden of Eden."

  Geraldine Granger : And he says, "Yep, you're in."

  Alice Tinker : Phew.

  Geraldine Granger : And he says to the third one, which was the mother superior, "I'm afraid the question is going to have to be a little bit more tricky for you."

  Alice Tinker : Well, fair enough 'cause...

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, obviously. And he says to her, "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?" And the mother superior says, "Oh, that's a hard one." And he says, "Yup, you're in."

  [Geraldine starts laughing] 

  Alice Tinker : [long pause]  Well, she hadn't answered the question.

  Geraldine Granger : Pardon?

  Alice Tinker : She hadn't answered the question.

  Geraldine Granger : How do you mean?

  Alice Tinker : He let her in and she didn't know what the answer was.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, it just doesn't work, does it, as a joke.

  Alice Tinker : Yes, just that end bit you could jig.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, well, I'm going to send it back anyway. Stupid, that one.

• Geraldine Granger : [about Kylie Minogue opening the Dibley Fair]  We're so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.

• David Horton : This is intolerable!

  [Enters the church hall where everyone is still working on preparations for the fete] 

  David Horton : Isn't it time you all went to bed?

  Alice Tinker : It's a last minute idea I had. We're having a fashion parade at the end of the fete, and people have to come as characters from Elton John's songs.

  Geraldine Granger : Oh, look at Mrs C!

  [Mrs Cropley is wearing an evening dress and a curly blonde wig] 

  David Horton : Ah, Mrs Cropley! Am I mistaken, or did Mr John write a song about Danny La Rue?

  Letitia Cropley : No - Marilyn Monroe. "It seemed to him, she lived her life like a candle in the wind, ever knowing who to cling to when the rain set in."

  Geraldine Granger : I think you'll find David, that Jim is our star turn. Come in, Jim Trott!

  [Jim enters wearing jeans and a Union Jack tank top with a bald wig] 

  Jim Trott : [In a thug voice]  A skinhead!

  [singing while putting up his fists] 

  Jim Trott : Saturday night's alright for fighting!

  David Horton : [Unimpressed]  Yes, well. Much as I'd like to dress up like someone who's had their brain surgically removed Vicar, I think you'll find that myself and Hugo will not have the time to join in this particular piece of high class entertainment!

  Geraldine Granger : Hugo!

  [Hugo skips into the room wearing a blue and white gingham pinafore dress with a white blouse and a wig with bunches and gives a twirl] 

  Hugo Horton : Get it? I-I'm Dorothy. Wizard of Oz. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." I-I borrowed one of Alice's dresses.

  [His smile fades as David glares at him with arms folded] 

  Hugo Horton : Sorry, Father.

  [Puts his hands to his chest] 

• Reg Dwight : The Blues is what I sing.

  Geraldine Granger : Yes, well, that should capture the mood of the entire audience perfectly.

• Geraldine Granger : [to Kylie Minogue]  If you do this, no matter what you do on Earth - sex, drugs, ritual Satanism - I can guarantee you the best seat in Heaven.