The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Engagement (1997)

Roger Lloyd Pack: Owen Newitt

Quotes 

• Owen Newitt : I believe this is your filling.

  Geraldine : Oh... Thank you, Owen...

  Owen Newitt : I'd have brought it sooner, but I've only just passed it.

  Geraldine : Right... I won't be putting it right back in then...

• Geraldine : So, what have we got? One jigsaw for sale, partially eaten. What's the puzzle of?

  Owen Newitt : [Tearing his eyes away from Hugo and Alice's kissing]  Ah, it's a woman with no clothes on, but it's very tasteful.

  Geraldine : What, a painting of some sort? Rubens? Renoir?

  Owen Newitt : No, it's a Page 3 girl but the labrador's eaten her knockers.

• Geraldine : Oh, well. The joy of those first kisses eh, Owen?

  Owen Newitt : Well, I wouldn't know. I've never had a proper kiss.

  Geraldine : Oh. Haven't you?

  Owen Newitt : Except for Daisy, and she was a cow, so that doesn't really count, does it?

  Geraldine : What, you *kissed* one of your cows?

  Owen Newitt : No. The gamekeeper's daughter - right cow she was. She said if I gave her all my pocket money, she'd let me feel inside her bra.

  Geraldine : What, and then she *didn't* let you?

  Owen Newitt : No, she did. The problem was she wasn't wearing it at the time.

• [Geraldine has turned down Owen's proposal of marriage] 

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : Promise me you're not too upset?

  Owen Newitt : Well, I don't know yet how upset I am.

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : Well, not so upset you're going to go kill yourself or anything like that?

  Owen Newitt : I haven't decided. But, before I do, answer me one question.

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : Oh, anything.

  Owen Newitt : Right. Have you been drinking?

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : Have had one little dropsicle, yes.

  Owen Newitt : Because if there's one thing I can't stand it's a woman who drinks. So, no, I'm not upset at all. In fact I'm very grateful to you from saving me from marriage to a lush who reeks of gin from dusk till dawn. Madam, I bid you farewell, you revolting old soak.

  [Owen storms out] 

  Reverend Geraldine Granger : That is one hell of a charming dude.

• Geraldine : [Unloading bags of shopping from the boot of her car]  Oh, Owen. You wouldn't give me a hand with the shopping, would you?

  Owen Newitt : Hmm... what's in it for me?

  Geraldine : Erm... eternal salvation?

  Owen Newitt : Anything more, you know... *unnebulous*?

  Geraldine : Chocolate Hob Nob?

  Owen Newitt : [Enthusiastically]  Let's do it!

  [Takes the bags from her. Cut to the inside of the vicarage] 

  Geraldine : [Placing a box of shopping down on a table]  Oh thanks, Owen. Just bung those in the kitchen for me if you would.

  Owen Newitt : Righto.

  [Throws the bags into the kitchen from the hall] 

  Geraldine : [Sarcastically]  Yeah, thanks!

• Geraldine : Now, what did you want to see me about?

  Owen Newitt : I-I want to put an advert in the newsletter.

  Geraldine : Oh, hooray!

  Owen Newitt : I've got a 400 piece jigsaw for sale.

  Geraldine : Oh, good for you! We really need stuff.

  Owen Newitt : It was 550 pieces, but the dogs got to it.

  Geraldine : Right, and how much are you thinking of charging for it?

  Owen Newitt : I thought about 100 quid. They're £4.99 new, but mine's unique now so I think it's a bit of a collector's item.

  Geraldine : Yes indeed, and the next collection is on Thursday morning in a big truck!

  [laughs] 

  Geraldine : I'll just, er, type this out then.

  [Owen notices Alice and Hugo still kissing passionately] 

  Owen Newitt : What's this, then?

  Geraldine : Oh, that's Hugo and Alice. They've been at it for four and a half hours now. Provided quite a talking point in my Confirmation class, I can tell you.

• Owen Newitt : [On never having had a proper kiss]  Some folks' lives, they're full of love and softness. Other folks, they never get to know the sweet tenderness of human contact. The sun is out, the sky is blue; There's not a cloud to spoil the view; But it's raining, it's raining in my heart.

  Geraldine : [Feeling sorry for him]  Oh, go on then, you great big loser - give us a quick kiss!

  [Owen's eyes widen] 

  Owen Newitt : Really?

  Geraldine : [Regretting it already]  Yes, but no burping though, OK?

  Owen Newitt : OK.

  [Wipes his mouth on his sleeve, then holds his arms out wide] 

  Owen Newitt : Here goes.

  Geraldine : Alright.

  [Owen puts his arms round her and kisses her passionately, causing her to wobble on the arm of the sofa. They break apart and she gags] 

  Owen Newitt : Sizzle my sausage! Can I have another?

  [Tries to embrace her again] 

  Geraldine : [Pushing him off]  NO!

  [Feels inside her mouth and pulls something out] 

  Geraldine : Oh God! What's this?

  Owen Newitt : Oh great. I got that bit of pork stuck in my teeth last week - I thought I'd never get it out! Thanks for that. I'll see myself out.

  [Leaves with the bit of pork. Geraldine vigorously wipes her mouth and feels inside it again] 

  Geraldine : Oh no - he's got one of my fillings!

• Owen Newitt : I'm pretty confident that I could satisfy you in the bedroom, because, quite frankly, I'm so desperate for it that I could keep going for months on end.