- Diana: I'm trying to drain the blood from my feet.
- Tom: Oh, good idea. Why?
- Diana: 'Cause I spent half the night dancing with naked men.
- Tom: What did you do the other half of the night?
- Diana: Dragged Jane off naked men. You know, I think they were the first she'd ever seen. Her conversion made Saint Paul's Damascus Road number look like a housewife having a bit of a dither in Tesco's.
- [first lines]
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: Right. Before we start the wedding rehearsal there are one or two things I find a bit confusing.
- Diana: Like is it night or day.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: These are to take place one after another.
- Tom: Well done.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: You don't want a double wedding?
- Diana: No!
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: And the first wedding is between, um... Harvey and Tom, right?
- Tom: Almost.
- Jane: Harvey and me, Dennis.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: Oh, good! I thought for a moment we might be getting a bit modern. The second wedding is between, um... Any volunteers?
- Tom: [holding up his and Diana's hand] Us.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: Oh. And who are you marrying?
- Diana: Each other, you pillock! Get on with it!
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: Pillock, right. Jane, who's giving you away?
- Jamie Edwards: I am. Her grandfather.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: And who's giving Diana away?
- Jamie Edwards: Me again. Double shift.
- Rev. Dennis Sparrow: Are you Diana's grandfather as well?
- Diana: No, he's my auntie.
- Jamie Edwards: Geoffrey, did you know that you are the most boring man whole wide world?
- Geoffrey: Yes.