- Tom Ballard: [Harvey wants to become a priest because Jane has decided to become a nun] What about celibacy?
- Harvey Bains: What do I care about fame?
- [first lines]
- Jane: What happened, Tom?
- Tom: Don't know. She was feeling pretty sick with this diabetic thing and after eating all these cakes, and then...
- Jane: Yes?
- Tom: Well, I was said a few things to cheer her up, and she went and collapsed, fluttering all over the place.
- Jane: What things were you saying?
- Tom: oh, not much. Just suggested we ought to get married.
- Jane: You swine! You're all the same!
- [Harvey has fainted]
- Diana: Harvey's died. Let's bang a stake through his heart before the sun comes up.
- Harvey Bains: I'll go and have a quick flick through the Bible.
- Diana: Now what have your done? You'll turn him into a Jehovah's Witless.
- [last lines]
- Diana: But that's probably why men exist, hm?
- Jane: To give us stomach upset.
- Diana: Mm, yes. Yes, it is in the stomach, isn't it, that funny feeling?
- Jane: Oh, yes, yes. I used to get that when I saw Harvey's hair-oil stain on his pillow. I thought it was love, but it was probably... thingy.
- Diana: Yeah. Thingy. Bloody thingy!
- [Jane starts to wail]
- Diana: Shut up, Jane!