- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "President Clinton's to-do list."
- Ryan Stiles: "Switch to a pipe."
- [buzzed out; he returns to the stage]
- Ryan Stiles: "When having an affair, pick someone good looking."
- Ryan Stiles: [singing his verses in "Hoedown" about the Village People] I don't like the Village People, think they're kind of rude. / Don't you know their lyrics can be kind of crude? / When it's on my stereo, I always hit mute, / but I'll have to admit, the Indian's kinda cute.