- Colin Mochrie: [in "Weird Newscasters"] Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClardy confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hoedown", about getting arrested]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I try to rob every store that I see, / But one time, I got caught by forty cops, how could that be? / I walked in and I opened up the door. / That's what I get for robbin' a donut store.
- Drew Carey: [after "Weird Newscasters", where both Wayne's and Ryan's quirks involved making fun of Drew] Well, that's a thousand points each to Kathy and Colin. Ryan and Wayne, it was nice knowin' ya.
- Drew Carey: Hey, did you know that teenagers, if they're hugged every day, they have better confidence, and they do better in school. So parents, if you see me huggin' your teenage daughter, I'm only tryin' to help.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Greatest Hits"] The race car driver.
- Colin Mochrie: Oh.
- Ryan Stiles: Not a lot- job a lot of people have. And we've collected forty songs on six CDs. Actually, we haven't. This is just a big scheme to rip you off from your money. But if we had been honest-
- [Colin taps him and gives him a dirty look]
- Ryan Stiles: oh, uh, yes we have.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the race car driver] What comes to mind when I say the word "sting"?
- Colin Mochrie: ...The guy who sang for The Police? Hey, when he retires, will he change his name to "Stung"?
- Ryan Stiles: [chuckles, but then gets a puzzled expression] ... Well, y'know, I laughed at first, but WOULD he?
- Colin Mochrie: I don't know.