Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV Series)

Show No. 324 (2001)

Ryan Stiles: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Weird Newscasters", his quirk is "rapidly descending the evolutionary scale"]  As you can see, we've got rain comin' in for the, uh, for the, uh, for the weekend, and the clouds will be going away, they'll all be...

  [mimes starting a fire with sticks, then making ape noises, then slowly sitting on the stage step and buzzing] 

  Ryan Stiles : You each get a thousand points, let's go onto "Party Quirks".

  [...] 

  Ryan Stiles : [after the game, Drew is seen pretending to talk on the phone at his desk]  All right, I'll just leave now.

  Drew Carey : [interrupting]  That was, uh, that was Ringling Brothers, they want their shoes back.

  Ryan Stiles : Oh, all right.

  Drew Carey : Emmett can't go on without his shoes. All right, just to be a big man, thousand points a piece.

  Ryan Stiles : Yes.

  Drew Carey : I can take it, doesn't bother me. Tall, big-nosed freak, ya. Let's go onto a game called...

  [chuckling] 

  Drew Carey : "Narrate". This is for Colin and the freak.

  Ryan Stiles : Oh man...

  Drew Carey : Colin and the tall freak. What we need from the audience is an unlikely place for a film noir scene.

  [audience member shouts suggestions; one shouts "Bike shop"] 

  Drew Carey : Bike shop. Bike shop. So you're at a bike shop. Not the best suggestion, but for the freak? He can make anything funny, right, freak?

  [laughs] 

  Drew Carey : I'm gonna kill...

  Ryan Stiles : You just have to forget now.

  Drew Carey : Got to forget, okay. So Colin and the freak, you're gonna act out a film noir scene... set in a bike shop.

• Colin Mochrie : [in "Narrate", set at a bike shop]  Excuse me, I'm looking for a special Schwinn, it has a banana seat and a "I Love Canada" sticker.

  [audience cheers] 

  Ryan Stiles : Really.

  Colin Mochrie : Yeah.

  Ryan Stiles : [to camera]  He asked for a banana seat. I wonder why.

  [to Colin] 

  Ryan Stiles : A banana seat, you say? They're kinda rare nowadays.

  Colin Mochrie : Are they? You don't have anything like that in the shop?

  Ryan Stiles : Well, I got... one bike in the back room.

  Colin Mochrie : Really.

  [to camera] 

  Colin Mochrie : Having been blinded by his tie, it took me a while to see that he actually had a banana seat sticking out the top of his pants. This was the man I'd been looking for for fifteen years. Now it was time for him to pay.

  [mimes pulling the banana seat out of Ryan's pants] 

  Colin Mochrie : What's THIS? That's MY banana seat! MY BANANA SEAT!

  Ryan Stiles : [to camera, irritated]  I'm going to get my gun.

  [mimes cocking shotgun] 

  Colin Mochrie : [to camera]  As he went for his gun, several emotions ran across my face: Fear, happiness, sadness. I knew I was going for an Emmy but would never get one. Man.

• Drew Carey : [after "Narrate"]  A thousand points, everybody. Ten thousand points to Ryan, I'm sorry I called you a freak.

  [Ryan makes monkey noises] 

  Drew Carey : You're not a freak, you're my friend. I shouldn't have called you a freak on national TV.

  [audience awws] 

  Ryan Stiles : And?

  Drew Carey : I love you.

  Ryan Stiles : All right, good enough.

  Wayne Brady : "A very special "Whose Line is it Anyway?"."

• Colin Mochrie : [in "Narrate", set in a bike shop] 

  [miming pointing a gun] 

  Colin Mochrie : I want you to assemble my bike the way it was fifteen years ago from all the scrap around here right now. Do it fast.

  Ryan Stiles : [mimes putting it together, then wheeling it up to Colin]  Squeaky squeaky squeaky squeaky.

  [Colin mimes getting on the bike] 

  Ryan Stiles : [to camera]  Yeah, it was put together. But wait 'til you see what happens when he rides it.

  Colin Mochrie : [mimes riding it and makes a crash noise]  ... I didn't want the Firestone tires.

• Drew Carey : Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are worthless, just like Shaquille O'Neal at the free throw line.

  [audience oohs] 

  Ryan Stiles : It's true.

  Drew Carey : Just kiddin' if I ever run into you, buddy. Ha ha.

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Infomercial"]  Hi there, we're the Phillips twins.

  [audience laughs] 

  Ryan Stiles : Notice anything different about us?

  [Drew laughs] 

  Ryan Stiles : That's right: One of us has lots of hair, the other has SOME hair.

  Colin Mochrie : Because the chicks love it. That's why...

  [some women in the audience cheer] 

  Colin Mochrie : we've come up with a hair removal process that will make you ten times sexier than anyone with hair and a big nose.