- Colin Mochrie: [in "Scenes from a Hat", the suggestion is "Unlikely subjects to be the basis for a musical"]
- [singing]
- Colin Mochrie: How does food become poo? I'll tell you!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Irish Drinking Song", the subject is getting pregnant]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I called my boy "Roy".
- Wayne Brady: [singing] He looked good.
- Greg Proops: [singing] And when I got him home that night...
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] You can get poo from fud!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Funeral"] I've known Katrina for twenty years. She was into miniature golf, miniature bowling, miniature basketball. She loved everything miniature, which explains why we dated for four years.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things you shouldn't do last minute." Things you shouldn't do at the last minute.
- Greg Proops: [to Wayne] And have a good first day at school. Daddy's gay.
- [walks off stage]
- Drew Carey: Hey, just to let you know, y'know, for the next fifteen minutes, we'll keep the kids occupied if you and the old lady wanna go fool around.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Scenes from a Hat", the suggestion is "What's really going through George W. Bush's mind during cabinet meetings"] There isn't even a cabinet in here.