- Drew Carey: The points are just like steak sauce in India.
- [audience laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: Someone's been workin' overtime.
- Drew Carey: [before "Superheroes"] One of my favorite guys in the whole wide world, Colin Mochrie, is gonna start.
- [audience cheers]
- Drew Carey: Never meet a nicer man. Uh, we need a superhero name for Colin.
- [audience members shout suggestions; two are heard over the rest: "Stinky Man! Stinky Man!" Colin notices and looks annoyed]
- Drew Carey: We have two women up there yellin' Stinky Man as loud as they can. Really hopin' to get Stinky Man in there, so you are...
- Ryan Stiles: [interrupting] I love that: "Couldn't be a nicer guy in the whole world." "STINKY MAN!"
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "The Munchkins: What are they doing now?"
- Wayne Brady: [singing] Well...
- [talking]
- Wayne Brady: your fries are ready. I'm a short order cook!
- Ryan Stiles: [on his knees, looking up] Eh, looks like you need a new muffler.
- Wayne Brady: [miming speaking into a microphone] In this corner, the Mayor of the Lollipop Guild. In this corner, Gary Coleman. Fight!
- Ryan Stiles: [on his knees, miming popping out from underneath a desk] You forgot to give points, Mr. Carey.
- Wayne Brady: [in "Stand Sit Lie", after Ryan mimes giving birth]
- [playing the midwife]
- Wayne Brady: You are the owner of...
- Colin Mochrie: The "owner"? You're not really a midwife, are you?
- Wayne Brady: No, I used to be a... used car salesman!
- Drew Carey: [after "Party Quirks"] A thousand points to you guys, that was great. Thousand points a piece.
- [audience cheers]
- Drew Carey: [Drew leans to the side of his desk and coughs]
- Wayne Brady: Drew, you...?
- Drew Carey: [sits up] Fuck, man...
- Ryan Stiles: He's chokin' on a hundred dollar bill!
- Drew Carey: Oh my God.
- Chip Esten: Tombstone.
- Ryan Stiles: It was too rich for him.
- Drew Carey: I almost choked... I almost choked to death on an Altoid.
- Ryan Stiles: Really. Well, they ARE curiously strong.
- Drew Carey: [sarcastic] "Ha ha, he almost died. Ha ha ha."
- [Chip laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Showstopping Number"]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I'm tired of pokin' holes in these things, / It doesn't ring, ring-a-ding dings. / Didn't get the suggestion, we almost didn't get the hint, / 'Cause Drew almost choked on an Altoid mint!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Showstopping Number", set in a factory] This is boring. I wish something would come along that would just brighten up our day. Some change in routine.
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, what's the odds of THAT happening?
- Colin Mochrie: I don't know.
- Wayne Brady: [enters] Hello!
- Colin Mochrie: Hey, who are you? What's going on? Are you exciting?
- Wayne Brady: Mm-hmm!
- Ryan Stiles: Is she EVER!
- Colin Mochrie: [mimes taking off glasses] Oh, yeah, you're a girl!
- Wayne Brady: Hello, both of you. I am the... Hole-in-Things Fairy.
- Ryan Stiles: The Hole-in-Thing Fairy! My dad used to speak about her.
- Colin Mochrie: I thought she was only a legend.
- Wayne Brady: No. I travel everywhere, putting holes in things and choosing people to be my minions to go along with me and put holes in things.
- [mimes touching things with a magic wand]
- Ryan Stiles: This sounds like the escape we've been waiting for!
- Colin Mochrie: Hey, why do you put holes in things?
- Wayne Brady: Why?
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah, that's what I said: Why?
- Wayne Brady: Because! Without a hole, where would you be?
- [Drew buzzes; the music starts]
- Wayne Brady: [singing] Without a hole, where would you be? / No place for NNNHHH! and no place for the pee! / What would you do? Oh man, / Having holes is part of the plan. / I love holes in every size, / and when I turn around, there's a big surprise, / I love my holes, it's the bomb, / If I stand on my head, it spells out "mom"!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Showstopping Number"] It's not just the cheese, it's everything we make here. We gotta specialize in one thing. We got too many things going here.
- Colin Mochrie: What are you talking about? Cheese is our life?
- [buzzer sounds, music begins]
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] Cheese is our life/ I wish I could make it my wife/ I'd take it to bed/ We'd sleep until we're dead/ Oh, boy, I love cheese!
- Ryan Stiles: That's true. I'm tired of poking holes in these things.
- [buzzer sounds, music begins again]
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] I'm tired of poking holes in these things/ Doesn't ring/ Ring-a-ding-dings/ Didn't get the suggestion/ We almost didn't get the hint/ 'Cause Drew almost choked on an Altoid mint