- Colin Mochrie: [before "Sound Effects", upon learning he's playing Rapunzel] Nothing says Valentine's more than a bald damsel.
- Colin Mochrie: [after "Living Scenery" with the Loyola Marymount University cheerleaders] I know you'll find this hard to believe, but that's the closest I ever got to cheerleaders.
- Drew Carey: And your wife's up in Canada, right?
- Colin Mochrie: Who?
- [audience laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: Yes, she is. Lovely women, love her deeply.
- Drew Carey: Oh, I can't wait for her to see this show. Uh...
- Wayne Brady: On Valentine's Day.
- Colin Mochrie: Yes, happy Valentine's Day!
- Drew Carey: [before "Press Conference"] Chip, Ryan and Wayne are newspaper reporting- report- bleh. Chip, Ryan, and Wayne are newspapers re...
- [slowly]
- Drew Carey: Chip, Ryan and Wayne are newspaper reporters...
- [audience cheers]
- Drew Carey: attending a press conference held by Colin. But Colin doesn't know who you i- Colin doesn't know who he is.
- Colin Mochrie: Who IS you?
- Drew Carey: Thank you.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Press Conference", the secret is "The queen of England announcing she's having an affair with Ryan Stiles"] Kind of a complicated question.
- Colin Mochrie: Okay.
- Ryan Stiles: Does it "make" me anything?
- Colin Mochrie: About... $40,000 a year?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Irish Drinking Song", about passing wind]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I'll live on in history.
- Wayne Brady: [singing] What is a guy to do,
- Chip Esten: [singing] when you are famous like me?
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] Oops! I poo'd!