Wonderfalls (TV Series)

Karma Chameleon (2004)

Caroline Dhavernas: Jaye Tyler

Quotes 

• Mahandra McGinty : [on the phone with Jaye, about Bianca at the bar]  And she's sitting on your stool!

  Jaye : Oh, there are just so many things wrong about that sentence.

• Sharon Tyler : She must be nuts if she thinks you inspire...

  Jaye : ...with effortless and undemanding style.

  Sharon Tyler : Well look at that, you've inspired me to walk to my car. And now you've inspired me to leave.

• Jaye : You may have all my friends snookered, but not me. You're like that girl in that movie who wanted to be that other girl so much that she killed for it!

  Bianca Knowles : Grease?

  Jaye : Single White Female!

• Jaye : I got fired.

  Darrin Tyler : Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

  Jaye : Sharon and Aaron can have their words back. I won't be needing them; ever, apparently.

  Darrin Tyler : Nonsense. You're gonna make good use of those words. Think of this as an opportunity. W. failed the first time he ran for Congress and look how far he got; President of the United States.

  Jaye : You don't seem terribly surprised that I got fired.

  [seeing Bianca on the couch with her mother] 

  Jaye : What's she doing here?

• Darrin Tyler : "Thumbing Through the Finger Lakes with Karen Tyler. About the author. Karen Tyler is the award-winning author of several best-selling travel guides. She resides in Niagara Falls, New York, with her husband, noted area physician Dr. Darrin Tyler. The Tylers have three beautiful grown children. Their eldest daughter, Sharon, is a respected immigration attorney and the newest partner at the law firm of Merrifield, Hanson, and Eldrich. Son Aaron is the youngest non-Asian to win the prestigious Fulton Scholarship for religious studies and is currently pursuing his doctorate in comparative religion. Jaye, a daughter, is 24."

  Jaye : Uh...

  Darrin Tyler : Congratulations, sweetheart. I think this book might be your best yet.

  Aaron Tyler : It's certainly the heaviest.

• Eric Gotts : You seem depressed.

  Jaye : Not clinically. But my mother published a new book, and I only got five words in her bio blurb.

  Eric Gotts : You got mentioned in a blurb?

  Muse : [through a fish mounted on the wall]  Hey.

  Jaye : Oh, God, no.

  Muse : Get her words out.

  Jaye : What do you care?

  Eric Gotts : Well, I think that's impressive.

  Jaye : Well, it's only actually four words and a digit. My siblings got 51, collectively.

  Eric Gotts : Digits?

  Jaye : Words.

  Mahandra McGinty : I didn't know your brother was on a scholarship. Uh, you weren't, though, were you?

  Jaye : What if I only ever rate four words and a digit? What if by the time my mother's next book comes out, the sentence hasn't changed?

  Mahandra McGinty : It will. Well, the digit will.

• Alec : You're an hour late.

  Jaye : My alarm didn't go off. Where's my timecard?

  Alec : [holding it up]  Right here.

  Jaye : [reaching for it and seeing what's on his desk]  Aren't those Bianca's notes?

  Alec : Yes. I found them by the register this morning. Imagine my shock when I discovered the two of you weren't doing inventory yesterday.

  Jaye : Oh, yeah. I'm still training her.

  Alec : She already admitted everything.

  Jaye : Well, I don't know what she said, but she's not an investigative journalist. Her study's not tainted.

  Alec : She told me how you had her following you around, writing down everything you said, documenting life at Wonderfalls for future generations.

  Jaye : Oh, right. That.

  Alec : She's very naive. She actually believed you when you said there was a time capsule under the Maid of the Mist fountain.

  Jaye : Well, you know, some people will swallow just about anything.

  Alec : Huh. Even if there was a time capsule, which I seriously doubt, the Wonderfalls document would not be all about you.

  Jaye : Did I say that?

  Alec : You said a lot of things. This part here where you call me a... mouth-breather. That's my favorite.

  Jaye : That was taken out of context.

  Alec : And just so you know, I have a deviated septum, and I have to wait three more years for my cartilage to stop growing before I can have the surgery.

  Jaye : Well... three years, huh?

  Alec : So, in addition to lying, you've used Wonderfalls merchandise and Wonderfalls resources, namely Bianca, without authorization.

  Jaye : Look, if you wanna write me up, I'll totally understand.

  Alec : There won't be any need for that. I already spoke to Peggy. She gave me permission to fire you. I'll need you to clean out your locker and hand in your vest. I hope this doesn't affect our friendship.

• Jaye : How come I only get five words on your inner flap?

  Karen Tyler : Well, it's a blurb, dear. I'm only allowed a certain amount of words for that.

  Jaye : Sure used up a lot of them on Aaron. He got 26 words. I got five. And one of mine's a digit.

  Darrin Tyler : Jaye, sweetheart, don't parse the blurb.

  Sharon Tyler : Really, though.

  Jaye : Easy for you to say. You got 19.

  Sharon Tyler : I counted 22.

  Karen Tyler : Your brother and your sister are older than you. They require more words because they've lived more.

  Jaye : Achieved more, you mean.

  Karen Tyler : No. They've had more opportunity to excel. Your time will come.

  Darrin Tyler : We're all looking forward to expanding your sentence.

  Jaye : You know, I did actually graduate from Brown with a philosophy degree. I might even still have it somewhere.

• Jaye : [reading Bianca's fifteen words about her]  Daughter Jaye, a philosopher, resides in Niagara Falls where she inspires with effortless, undemanding style.