Magdalena Alexander: Katya

Quotes 

• Dick Johnson : Okay, look, I'm sorry he did this to you, but I'm gonna pay your way back, okay?

  Katya : I see tree drop same rotten fruit.

  Dick Johnson : Excuse me?

  Katya : You like Peter. Not so tiny. But you cannot put out fire by peeing much money on big flame. You let small child who is like cross-eyed dog to run and "poo" over whole village.

  Dick Johnson : If you're finished with the potty metaphors, can you just give me the name I can put on the check?

• Katya : What Peter needing, you cannot pay. He have no parents.

  Dick Johnson : He has no mother.

  Katya : He have no parents. He have no mother. He have no father also. He needing love. He troubled. He tortured poet.

  Dick Johnson : Tortured, maybe. Poet? Don't think so.

  Katya : Da. Look at what your boy he write to me.

  [giving him the print-outs] 

  Katya : "I etched your name in the clouds, but it was lost when the thunder cried. I etched your name in the surf, but it was stolen by the rising tide."

  Katya , Dick Johnson : "I etched your name..."

  Dick Johnson : ...in my heart, and forever it will there reside.

  Katya : You have read this?

  Dick Johnson : I wrote it.

  Katya : What?

  Dick Johnson : To my wife, years ago. Peter, he must have found these and copied them. I had no idea she kept them all these years.

  Katya : Who would throw away such words? Her heart was captured by this.

  Dick Johnson : Yeah. I guess so.

  Katya : And mine, too.

• Sharon Tyler : [finding Jaye's trailer rocking, she knocks on the door]  Is Jaye in there?

  Katya : [naked, covering herself with a bedsheet]  No. Jaye no is here.

  Sharon Tyler : You must be Katya.

  Katya : Da. I am she.

  Sharon Tyler : Jaye asked me to look into helping you return to Russia. I think I've found a way.

  Dick Johnson : [naked, too, covering his junk]  Hi. She can't go back right now. In fact, I'm not sure she's ever gonna leave. But I'd appreciate it if you would.

• Eric Gotts : I was just coming to see you.

  Jaye : You were?

  Eric Gotts : Yeah. I brought you donuts.

  Jaye : [seeing Katya eating them]  Those donuts?

  Katya : [with her mouth full]  Mm-hmm.

  Eric Gotts : She was starving.

  Jaye : But you were bringing me... and then she's here... and now they're all... and she is?

  Eric Gotts : Her name's Katya. From Russia. I was passing by and a little voice told me I should probably stop and check on her.

  Jaye : Voice? There was a voice?

  Eric Gotts : [meaning one's conscience]  Yeah. You know, that little voice inside?

  Jaye : Oh, right. The little voice inside.

• Jaye : Hi. We're looking for Peter Johnson.

  Peter Johnson : I'm Peter Johnson.

  Jaye : The other Peter Johnson.

  Peter Johnson : There isn't one. I'm Peter. And you must be Katya, my darling.

  Katya : Oh, no. I need bigger Peter.

• Jaye : She slept at the fountain?

  Katya : Fountain of love. I meet my Peter. I marry. But he no come.

  Jaye : Peter got a phone number?

  Katya : No. No phone. But he make me letter.

  Eric Gotts : [taking them]  These are all e-mail printouts. No last name. No physical address.

  Jaye : You think she's one of those Russian mail-order brides? You know, sex slave?

  Katya : No sex slave! I coming for love... and some sex. But no slave.

• Peter Johnson : My darling Katya, I would never have missed our nuptials, except I got grounded.

  Jaye : What are you, like, five?

  Peter Johnson : 16.

  [Jaye glares suspiciously] 

  Peter Johnson : 15.

  [another glare] 

  Peter Johnson : 14... on my next birthday.

  Katya : He tiny boy.

  Peter Johnson : I'm so sorry, my darling. If I had just cashed in a bond and not used my dad's credit card, I'd be married now instead of grounded.

  Katya : But in JPEG you send, you man, not unripe dumpling.

  Peter Johnson : I used photo-imaging software to age myself. It's how I will look... in 12 to 15 years. But you... you look even better than your JPEG.

  Katya : I send you most intimate photographs.

  Peter Johnson : I know. I made them into my desktop wallpaper.