User Reviews

Xena (still in Callisto's body for this episode) must face a new world in which Aries has lost his magical sword and has become a mere mortal. This new scenario is causing chaos for the lives of all living people including Gabrielle and Joxer.

SYNOPSIS

Joxer brings Xena a message he received from Aries. It's inviting her to some sort of ultimate warrior meeting, but there's one big problem with the whole thing: the real Aries would know that Xena is in Callisto's body, but a con Aries would not. Xena and Gabrielle go into a village to investigate, and they spot many famed warlords and criminals congregating in town. However, the bad guys all seem to be pretty chill, and the normal folks are exhibiting great rage. Gabrielle herself is becoming easily enraged and is picking fights everywhere. They encounter an intoxicated Aries who tells them that he's no longer a god since someone stole his special sword while he wasn't looking. Furthermore, he tells Xena that a world without a god of war causes chaos where common folk become hot tempered and easily lose control and start violence. This however doesn't happen to people with a lot of experience in anger and warfare such as Xena and the other warlord punks around town. Aries convinces Xena that they don't want a world where there is no god of war.

Aries steals a warlord's invitation so that he can join Xena to the special event. They must take a boat to the island destination, and they are required to surrender their weapons. The man piloting the boat tells them that they will be the guests of Sisyphus (season 1 episode 9) who is having them for a contest. The one who kills a beast on the island will become the new god of war! Sisyphus died previously, but it seems that he has found a way to escape Tartarus and bring along Aries' lost sword. Xena and Aries suspect that all these punk warlords will try and kill each other before the contest begins, and they're right. Meanwhile, Gabrielle decides to disobey Xena and make her own way to the island retreat. Joxer is accompanying her, and they're both out looking for a fight. While they land on the island, Aries and Xena are fighting with the ruthless warlords on the island castle. The warlords keep getting killed in the chaos, and soon there are very few left.

Gabrielle and Joxer reach an cave area on the island, and they enter it swords drawn with the intention to kill the monster they believe is inside. However, there is no monster, and instead there is a fan system that moves air in a way that makes noise similar to a monster. Xena and Aries, inside Sisyphus' castles are now also realizing that there never was a monster. Sisyphus appears to them, and they find out that he was on a mission from Hades to send ten warlords to the underworld. In exchange for this he would be granted relief from the toils of Tartarus. But he has failed, and Aries regains his sword and is made a god once again. Things go back to normal, but has Aries learned anything from the pain and fear he felt during his brief time as a mortal? Will he return Xena to her original body as he had promised? He vanishes and it appears that he won't keep any such promise. As Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer leave the island they accept the fact that Xena may forever remain in Callisto's body. Suddenly in a flash the old Xena body is back, and it truly is her! Turns out that Aries was a little appreciative of her help after all.

NOTES

Even though many of the gods are annoying or malevolent, they're existence and wellbeing is essential for maintaining balance in the world. The gods don't fully understand how difficult life can be for mortal men and women.

Xena-in-Callisto's-body still freaks out Gabrielle, who suggests she dye her hair. This is the first of several instances throughout the episode where Xena hauls Gabrielle away. Their intruder is just Joxer delivering an invite supposedly from Ares that's meant for Callisto, but Xena points out Ares knows about the body-swap/that Callisto's in Tartarus, thus the invite's from someone *posing* as Ares. Joxer asks Gabrielle if she's got the hang of the whole Xena/Callisto thing (she says "About half the time.") and makes a crack about her pretending to be a fierce warrior stuck in the body of Gabrielle (dude, she's kicked your ar$e MULTIPLE times!). Speaking of 'a$$', Gabrielle's ready to kick some when spying two warlords who, by Xena's account, HATE each other...yet they're getting along/teaming up.

Two competing fishcake salespeople try to entice Gabrielle to buy their produce, then play tug of war with her before she starts beating them up, causing other villagers to fight and a flying lobster (which Xena catches. The way Hudson Leick looks at this ridiculous thing so seriously amuses me, as does her grabbing Gabrielle by the ear). What's causing all of this unusual aggression? Ares, who's now a drunken hobo, has apparently lost his sword. Gabrielle's eager to take on Ares now he's mortal, he amusingly shoves her away, Xena teaches him what he *thinks* is 'pain' (he reckons it's not so bad), then he learns what REAL pain is from the wine-soaked-rag Xena instructs him to press on his bloody lip (clearly she's enjoying any little bit of payback she can get). Speaking of inflicting hurt on others, Gabrielle's beating up bar patrons and even puts Xena's 'pinch' on one before knocking them out (did she release it or did they die?).

I enjoyed Kevin Smith's portrayal of newly-human Ares, as it showed off his comedic chops, plus he had excellent chemistry with Hudson Leick's Xena. Ares promises to give her body back if she helps him reclaim his sword, but says what I was thinking when he comments how 'magnificently' Xena's wearing Callisto's body (I think how she styles her hair makes quite a difference). We get a look-in at what Callisto-in-Xena's-body is up to in Tartarus, Ares attempts to play on Xena's longing to get her body back, but she seems to have accepted her situation, saying her body doesn't make her who she is, her deeds do. So then Ares changes tactics, blaming the lack of there being a God of War for the normally-peaceful-people suddenly turning violent.

Gabrielle's getting more and more irritable, Xena tells her to recite a poem she likes whenever she's mad (which she *does*, currently feeling 'boiling mad' and voicing her true feelings regarding Xena-in-Callisto's-body), then tells her to stay behind, as she's going to help get Ares' sword back in order to stop everyone totally losing it/killing each other. After they jump one warlord to gain his invitation, they're instructed to leave weapons behind as they board a ship, then a message from 'Ares' plays via spinning thing (which *actual* Ares says sounds nothing like his voice), claiming one of the ten warriors aboard will get to become the new God of War. Some of the warlords boast about besting Xena, but she puts them in their place (complete with Callisto-style hissing). Then Joxer arrives to get himself killed, but Xena saves him by thanking him/instructing him to 'guard the dock', then proceeds to scream in his face and he amusingly pretends to be scared of 'Callisto' before fleeing.

After Ares learns about hangovers, he and Xena hear an ominous growling coming from the castle they're headed for (unbeknownst to them, Gabrielle's ignored Xena's wishes and followed them in a boat with Joxer). Once there, faux-Ares reveals himself to be Sisyphus (who's supposed to be pushing a rock uphill for eternity in Tartarus), he's unaware 'Callisto' is actually Xena and then outs Ares to everyone, before saying whoever bests the noise-making monster will get to be the new God of War. The main flaw in this plan is immediately evident when they draw numbers for the order in which they'll get a crack at the monster. Xena gets first shot at it, some warlords take exception to that, infighting/casualties ensues, Ares gets injured (which he's already sick of), and this leads to an excellent scene between him and Xena.

She quickly works out the weapons they've been provided with are little use against a monster/Sisyphus wants them to off each other. As she's bandaging Ares, he says she's still got her Xena touch, whereas Callisto's 'all animal'/'starts like a cold fish' until you 'press the right buttons', then it's 'quite a ride'. After bringing up his unique experience of being with Callisto-in-Xena's-body (totally glossing over consent issues, though Xena says she'll need to take a long bath once she gets it back), Ares reckons he's never lied to her and she's 'inspired' him to change...but she ain't buying it. Hudson's/Kevin's sizzling chemistry is off-the-charts during this scene. Sadly, they're interrupted by more warlord-offing-warlord action, they kindly move the bodies as they keep piling up, Ares wants Xena to claim the sword/become Goddess of War should he not last, but she wants none of it.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle's losing her mind...which is no surprise, with Joxer as company. He maintains he's keeping it together...then loses it at a fly. They confront the 'monster'...and it's just a stone-faced fan that Joxer stops with a stick (before laughing dementedly). After Xena saves Ares from a trap involving being hung upside-down over a fiery pit with spiked walls closing in, they both fight/kill the remaining warlords, Gabrielle and Joxer appear (informing them the 'monster' is total BS), Xena reunites Ares with his sword, his godhood's restored and he kicks Sisyphus' ar$e back to Tartarus. At first it appears Ares has reneged on giving Xena her body back...but eventually he does, and I'm sad to see Hudson Leick leave the role after her outstanding performance as Xena.