- [Vyvyan bites into house brick and it explodes]
- Vyvyan: Some of these bricks explode! That's good, innit!
- Neil: [Neil has just spilled an enormous pot of lentils. He calls upstairs] Guys! There's some dinner on the floor, if you want it. If you don't, like, that could also be cool, because, I mean, I only spent all day cooking it, right, and I was the one who got it together to put the lentils on to soak last night, but maybe we should just get a cat, right, and give it to the cat, 'cause it's not as if none of you can be bother-
- [peers upstairs]
- Neil: - guys?
- Rick: [reading his ode to Cliff Richard] Oh Cliff / Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if/You really are a cliff/when fascists keep trying to push you over it!/Are they the lemmings/ Or are you Cliff?/Or are you, Cliff?
- Jerzy Balowski: I'm not really foreign, you know. I just do it to appear more sophisticated. I mean, nobody'd buy Evian water if it was called Blackburn water, would they? Nobody'd wear Kicker boots if they were made in Scunthorpe! ABBA? ABBA, Swedish? I knew them when they were a Lancashire clog-dancing trio! Arthur, Betty, Boris, and Angela! Solzhenitsyn, Solzhenitsyn? A former pipe-fitter welder from Harrogate!
- [Mike, Vyvyan and Rick reappear]
- Jerzy Balowski: Back to the acting.
- Neil: [Neil has decided to kill himself] I'll see you on the Other Side, OK, lads? This is really it. I'm going, OK?
- Mike: Yeah, yeah. See ya, Neil.
- Vyvyan: Yeah. Bye, Neil.
- Neil: [to Mike] And, um, you can forget about the bread, OK, man?
- Mike: Hey, listen: it's just like going to sleep.
- Neil: But I'm an insomniac, Mike.
- Mike: So what are you worried about?
- Neil: [Neil steps out the door and finds Rick tied to a cross] Hey Rick, man! What're you doing with my crucifix, man?
- Rick: Protesting!
- Neil: Yeah, but I really think I should lay this one on you, man: that's a really negative way to kill yourself, you know, like, I've tried it hundreds of times. There's no way you can hammer in the last nail.