Hope Murdoch Steadman: I'm far more concerned with getting this death trap of a house baby-proofed so my daughter can survive long enough to say horrible things about me.
Michael Steadman: See, we basically have two problems: baby-proofing and parent-proofing. I can get all the latches in the world, but how am I gonna find an acceptable sofa, new wallpaper for the dining room, and napkin rings by 6:00 tonight?
[a though strikes him]
Michael Steadman: Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Ellyn Warren: What?
Hope Murdoch Steadman: [Michael points to the ceiling] The bathroom. Well, that's it. Then they can't come.
Michael Steadman: That's it.
Ellyn Warren: What? What are you talking about?
Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, the other bathroom is all ripped up. We're putting in new fixtures. They're gonna have to stay in our bedroom.
Michael Steadman: No way.
Hope Murdoch Steadman: You don't expect them to use the bathroom that has no plumbing.
Michael Steadman: Honey, they can use our bathroom. What bathroom are we gonna use?
Ellyn Warren: You guys, why don't they go to a hotel?
[Hope and Michael roar with laughter]