- Rimmer Munchkin: [singing] If you're in trouble he will save the day / He's brave and he's fearless, come what may / Without him the mission would go astray / He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer / Without him life would be much grimmer / He's handsome, trim, and no one's slimmer / He will never need a zimmer / He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer / More reliable than a garden strimmer / He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner / He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer / Master of the wit and the repartee / His command of space directives is uncanny / How come he's such a genius? / Don't ask me / Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer / He's also a fantastic swimmer / And if you play your cards right then he just might come round for dinner.
- Lister: I must be losing it, or I'd never be dreaming stuff like that. Kissing Rimmer? I'd rather go bobbing for apples in a communal latrine at the Reading festival!
- Kochanski: So you're missing Rimmer?
- Lister: Had a dream about him, he was all smiles and jokes... and stuff.
- Kochanski: I thought you guys didn't get on.
- Lister: We didn't that's what's so weird. His tightness drove me crazy, the way he always used to eat his food in alphabetical order, the way he only ever used three pieces of toilet paper, one up, one down, one to polish.
- Kochanski: Did he have any redeeming features?
- Lister: No. Well, yeah, sometimes he went out the room.
- Lister: [Rimmer has returned] So... where have you been?
- Rimmer: Argon 5. I fought in the Belagosian war, I was decorated, and used a Christmas tree in the town square where people came and fed me cherry liqueur chocolates for the whole winter.
- Lister: Really?
- Rimmer: Nah, I'm only kidding.
- Lister: Kidding? What do you know about kidding?
- Rimmer: I just though it was time I lightened up a little.
- [Blows into party horn]
- Rimmer: Hey, hey!
- Lister: I've missed you, man.
- Rimmer: [suddenly passionate] And I've missed you too, Listy.
- Lister: [burning with ardor] Oh, Arnold, man.
- [He embraces Rimmer]
- Rimmer: Dave!
- Lister: Don't ever leave us again!
- Rimmer: [gazing into Lister's eyes] I won't! I won't!
- Lister: Do you promise?
- Rimmer: Oh, Listy!
- Lister: Oh, Rimsy!
- [Their lips hover for a moment, then they kiss passionately. The dream ends]