Futurama (TV Series)

Insane in the Mainframe (2001)

Phil LaMarr: Hermes Conrad, Thompson's Teeth Announcer, Unit 2013

Quotes 

• Fry : [Fry thinks he's a robot]  Fear not: I shall assist ye.

  Hermes Conrad : Robots don't say "ye"!

  Fry : Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?

  Hermes Conrad : That's a plus sign, ya pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!

  Fry : I'll show ye!

• Hermes Conrad : I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear employee: Has it really been five, ten, or fifteen years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of apreciation and applaud."

  Dr. Zoidberg : Look, coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one. Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years! So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

  Hermes Conrad : Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

  Dr. Zoidberg : You kept track of it all these years!

• Unit 2013 : This is Frankie. He thinks he's a lunch room attendant, so we put him to work in the lunch room. How are things in the lunch room, Frankie?

  Frankie : S'okay.

  Unit 2013 : Poor Frankie.

• Hermes Conrad : Fry, don't be a hero. It's not covered by the health plan.

• Fry : [about an Abraham Lincoln robot at the asylum]  Let me guess. He thinks he's Abraham Lincoln.

  Unit 2013 : Well, he's supposed to, but he has multiple personalities. All of them Lincoln.

  Abraham Lincoln Robot : I was born in 200 log cabins.

• Hermes Conrad : Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

• Hermes Conrad : I will now read the mandatory speech.

  [reading from a book called "Minimum Obligations Manual"] 

  Hermes Conrad : Dear employee. Has it really been five, 10 or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

  Dr. Zoidberg : [He gives Zoidberg an envelope and claps. Zoidberg opens it]  Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car.

• Hermes Conrad : Now here's your pension statement.

  [He hands Zoidberg a piece of paper] 

  Hermes Conrad : It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

  Dr. Zoidberg : [Zoidberg wipes away a tear and hugs Hermes]  You kept track of it all these years!