The Simpsons (TV Series)

Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990)

Harry Shearer: Dave Shutton, Montgomery Burns, Waylon Smithers, Jokewriter, Personal Trainer, Jasper, Man at Bailey Rally #2, Make-up Artist

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave Shutton : And, ah, what's your name, son?

  Bart Simpson : I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

  Dave Shutton : I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot, and I must say that in my day, we didn't talk that way to our elders.

  Bart Simpson : Well, this is my day, and we do, sir.

• Mr. Burns : Take me home, Smithers. We'll destroy something tasteful.

• Mr. Burns : You can't do this to me! I'm Charles Montgomery Burns!

• Mr. Burns : Why are my teeth showing like that?

  [looking at an artist rendition of what Burns' campaign hopes to make voting think of him as] 

  Burns' Campaign Manager : Because you're smiling.

• Mr. Burns : This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

  Smithers : You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

• Makeup artist : [the Simpsons are being prepped for their TV appearance with Mr. Burns] 

  Makeup artist : Well, what do we think?

  Homer Simpson : Hey! Hello, handsome!

  Makeup artist : Hey, get that gunk off his face! He's supposed to be having dinner with the common man, not Tyrone Power!

• [Burns is attempting to bribe the nuclear inspectors] 

  Mr. Burns : Oh, look! Some careless person has left thousands and thousands of dollars just lying here on my coffee table! Ah, Smithers, why don't we leave the room and, hopefully, when we return, the pile money will be gone.

  [Burns steps outside for a few moments. When he steps back in, the nuclear inspector hasn't touched the money] 

  Mr. Burns : [angrily]  Look, Smithers, the money and a very stupid man are still here!

  Nuclear inspector : Burns, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to bribe me.

  Mr. Burns : Is there some confusion about this?

  [starts stuffing money in his pockets] 

  Mr. Burns : Take it! Take it, take it you poor schmo!