Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

'Manos' the Hands of Fate (1993)

Frank Conniff: TV's Frank

Quotes 

• TV's Frank : Uh, guys, uh, I know this is not normal procedure for me to do this, but, uh...

  Dr. Forrester : [off-screen]  Frank, I'm out of the shower! I need you to towel me off!

  TV's Frank : Uh, coming, sir!

  TV's Frank : [hushed voice]  Uh, I just wanted to say how really sorry I am about "Manos: the Hands of Fate." I mean, I know it's our job to send you really bad movies, but this time, even I have to admit, we really went too far. I'm really sorry.

• Dr. Forrester : Frank, where is our pizza? It's been two hours since you ordered.

  TV's Frank : Well, I called Togo's Pizza. They were busy, so I ended up having to order from Torgo's Pizza.

  Dr. Forrester : Come in.

  Torgo : [Torgo enters, the music from 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' in the background]  LaRgE SaUsAgE AnD MuShRoOm... ThIn CrUsT?

  TV's Frank : That's us.

  Torgo : ThE ToTaL Is $14.50, pLeaSe.

  Dr. Forrester : Here!

  Torgo : Do... YoU HaVe AnYtHiNg SmAlLeR? I OnLy CaRrY TwEnTy DoLlArS In ChAnGe.

  Dr. Forrester : That's all I have.

  TV's Frank : I have a twenty.

  Dr. Forrester : Well, why didn't you give him the twenty?

  TV's Frank : I was... I was saving it, you know...

  Dr. Forrester : Would you please give him the twenty?

  Torgo : WeLl, ThAnK YoU. I'lL... GeT YoUr... ChAnGe.

  Dr. Forrester : Oh, keep it!

  Torgo : ThAnK YoU VeRy MuCh, SiR. LeT Me... JuSt GeT YoUr CoMpLiMeNtArY CrAzY BrEaD.

  Dr. Forrester , TV's Frank : NO! No, no, no, that's okay! That's quite all right.

  TV's Frank : Hey, what about our pop?

  Torgo : I LeFt It In ThE... CaR. I'lL Be RiGhT BaCk.

  Dr. Forrester , TV's Frank : Oh.

  Dr. Forrester : Until next time, Joel. Push the Button, Frank.

  TV's Frank : Say, you know, it's been two hours, but it's still pretty warm.

  Torgo : [as Frank and Forrester spit up their pizza]  ThEy AlWaYs Do ThAt.

• [Frank is dressed as an executioner] 

  Dr. Forrester : Oh, Joel. A hearty hello to you and yours. Let me just say this about today's invention exchange - let them eat... chocolate.

  TV's Frank : That's right J...

  TV's Frank : [finds the mouth opening in his hood]  That's right, Joel. Our invention this week is based on one's natural inclination to bite the heads off of chocolate bunnies.

  Dr. Forrester : That's right, Frank.

  Dr. Forrester : [steps aside to reveal guillotine]  That's why we've invented the chocolate bunny guillotine. Eliminate the guess work in biting the heads off bunnies. Heh-heh-heh-heh. Ready, Mr. Executioner?

  TV's Frank : Yes, my liege.

  Dr. Forrester : [producing a scroll]  You have stolen painted eggs in a time of famine. Uh, off with their head Frank.

  [Frank cuts the string] 

  Dr. Forrester : And no chocolate mess. Well, poopsies?

  Tom Servo : [crying]  What about the pardon from Fanny Farmer?

  Crow T. Robot : Yeah. His only crime was being born delicious!

• Dr. Forrester : Uh, hi, fellas. Look, I, uh, I-I just wanted to let you know, I know this movie's a tough one, and I just wanted to let you know I feel for ya. I...

  TV's Frank : [off-screen]  Doctor? Caramel corn's ready. Do you want it in your Little Mermaid bowl?

  Dr. Forrester : Uh, fine, sure.

  Dr. Forrester : Now, you realize if you tell Frank I've done this, I'll have to kill him, so let's not, okay? 'Nuff said? All righty? Buh-bye.